Today I begin to understand what love must be, if it exists. When we are parted, we each feel the lack of the other half of ourselves. We are incomplete like a book in two volumes of which the first has been lost. That is what I imagine love to be: incompleteness in absence -Goncourt

Eagle in the Chicken Coop

Growing up, my family, for about a year, decided to have a chicken coop. One of my smaller childhood memories is of me waiting until my dad got home to go to the chicken coop. We would go together and fill pales with eggs and feed our chickens.

When you open the door of a typical southern style chicken coop you will first see the mass amounts of chicken poop all over the ground. Next, you'll observe the chickens constantly pecking at the ground in hopes to find something to eat.

As I've grown up I've realized that many people go through life without any hope or dreams. I, myself have always tended to be a dreamer. Since the third grade I would walk to career day in hopes that my career would surpass all the others in my elementary class. Number one, I wanted to make the most money. Two, I wanted to dress cute. Three, I wanted a fancy title. Before that I remember playing with Barbies, and dreaming of my Prince Charming Ken look-a-like that would appear on a white horse- sweep me off my feet and marry me. I would raise kids that were beautiful, smart, and well behaved.

But, it wasn't until one of my past relationships when I was going over my list of life plans. The guy told me, "Life never goes as planned." He was right. But, somewhere in that line, I realized I probably should stop dreaming... and that is exactly what I did. For a year or so, I have gone through life without a dream. I've not only realized that my happiness was placed in a dream, a hope of a better tomorrow.. I realized that it was stupid to have dwarf minded thinking and to stop dreaming all together. So I made a list. A list in my head of dreams that I wanted to obtain. I moved beyond pettiness and started thinking in an altitude into powerful thinking.

As I go through life and the obstacles at which it brings. I believe that God hides the answers to the questions we all want answered in higher places so that only eagles can find them and be nourished by them. The problem is that too many of us flounder as chickens rather than fly as eagles. While eagles soar and scan the skies, chickens are busy looking down and eating off the ground. Yes, they do survive from lower-level consumption, but they don't fly far or do much because they're too busy pecking at the ground below them. They never move beyond lower thinking into the power of spreading their wings like eagles and flying high.

Are you choosing to eat small-kernel thoughts off the ground, or will you seek the mountainous summits of success with those who overcome the giants of life and rise above a storm? As tasty as chicken may be to those of us who consume it, always remember that chickens eat mostly waste. Their overhead counterparts are too high to consume what was; eagles only eat what is.

Life is filled with giants and chickens live in fear of them. Especially with their heads looking down, they could be squashed, decapitated, or destroyed. Their vulnerability is that they remain within the reach of the giants of possible destruction. Giants only fight what they can reach. They only find the treasure that lies in low places. So chickens and those who have chicken ideas are always in the reach of those who seek to destroy them.

If you have lived with chickens but thought like an eagle, it is only a matter of time before someone will see the eagle in you and allow you to spread your wings and fly higher. But, keep in mind, if you want to go for it as an eagle, you must let go of the chicken's perspective. Don't let the giant problems, budget restrictions, or even legitimate excuses deter your dreams and overpower your passions. You may start on the ground, but for God's sake end up in the air! From the eagle's view, the giants shrink and become inconsequential. From the eagles view, new opportunities are always within sight.

Confession, I'm a closet eagle. Now, don't get me wrong, like I've said I've raised chickens, taken care of chickens, helped incubate chickens, and even eaten them. I have been told since I was sixteen that I was big fish in a small pond. I needed to get into a bigger pond where I my resource would be of value. Like the saying goes, "Iron sharpens iron." Well, I finally realized one day that living in the chicken coop as an eagle really dulled my visions. It took a hard giant to come down and shake me to realize it- but, we all are where we are in life for reason. So I fled the coop. In the past six months, I have learned more as an eagle than I ever learned as a chicken. I still talk to my chickens, but I treat them with a long-handled spoon. My past life is too small to fit me as I grow into the fullness of all that I am meant to be. It's like wearing your sixth-grade band uniform to a symphony concert at Carnegie Hall.

Are you ready to change clothes? It is my hope as we embrace the challenges of higher-level thinking that we will inevitably, both as a society and more attainable as individuals, evolve beyond the dwarfed ideas that leave us captive to what was. It is my hope that those who think at an altitude beyond attitudes will find nourishment beyond their personal chicken coop into a powerful terrain of higher thinking. Your mission- should you accept it- is to look up and consider who you are and where you are going.

For even young people tire and drop out, young folk in their prime stumble and fall.But those who wait upon God get fresh strength. They spread their wings and soar like eagles,They run and don't get tired, they walk and don't lag behind.-Isaiah 40.31

-ashleigh

You Have an Incoming Call From...

Little side note: Never in my life have I ever called a guy first. Nor, have I ever asked a guy out first. Why? Not because I'm old fashioned, nor is it because I am scared. But, I love control. I also love for someone to chase me. So much so that even after the initial phone chats begin- I typically turn the guy down two to three times prior to the first date - If I am really interested.

Not to brag, but I've gotten many numbers in my lifetime. I do not text first, nor call. I in reply either give my name and say find me... or I give them my number. I simply say. Thanks, here's my number you can call or text me anytime. I simply always leave it at that. If I totally am uninterested, I go by the name Brenda so that they never can find me again.

First of all, my dad taught me that men find it very satisfying to get what they want... If they want you, they will find you. Here's a scenario.. A guy gives you a number at a bar, over facebook, at church... etc. Is he giving you control, or did he just get you to do the heavy lifting? No, what he did was a magic trick... Men for the most part, like to pursue women. They like not knowing if they can catch us. They feel rewarded when they finally do. Especially when the chase is a long one. My belief is that if you are the agressor... He is just not that interested: You, and I by all means are worth asking out.

Unfortunately, most women in the dating world don't have men throwing themselves at them every night of the week.

Here's an even brighter thought: Men know how to use the phone! With the invention of cell phones and speed dialing it is almost impossible not to call someone. Sometimes I call people from my pants when I don't even mean too... The excuse "busy" is another word for "butthole." If I remember correctly I already have one of those and do not need another one. We, ladies deserve a freaking phone call.

Think of it this way. That phone call is the first brick in building a foundation for a relationship based on love and trust. If he can't pick up one stupid brick and start building that foundation. you ain't never gonna have a house...and from what I've learned it's pretty cold outside.

To me, I don't call first because I consider it lazy for a guy not to call you first. And who want's to go out with a lazy guy? It's that simple. I didn't make the rules and I might not even agree with them. I'm not advocating women go back to the Stone Age. I just think we might need to be more realistic in how capable we are of changing the primordial impulses that drive all of human nature.

I do not date LAZY. The end.

Men do not forget how much they like you so put down the phone.

Ladies, you have to have faith. You made an impression. Leave it at that. If he likes you, he'll still remember you after a tsunami, flood, or Red Sox loss. If he doesn't, he's not worth your time. Know why? You are great.

Just a daily thought..

“Loneliness is not a time of abandonment…it just feels that way. It’s actually a time of encounter at new levels with the only One who can fill that empty place in our hearts.”

God longs to fill our hearts with Himself. Yet we often try to fill the desires of our hearts with the things of this world. Yet those attempts to find replacements for God are fleeting and insubstantial, leaving us even lonelier than before.

12 Relationship Truths We often Forget

The following is a Blog post by Mark & Angel Hack Life So in regards to my Post Valentines Day Blues... Hopefully, you will find it of interest.

It’s easy to make your relationships more complicated than they are. Here are twelve simple reminders to help you keep them on course.

1. All successful relationships require some work. – They don’t just happen, or maintain themselves. They exist and thrive when the parties involved take the risk of sharing what it is that’s going on in their minds and hearts. Open communication and honesty is the key. (Read The Road Less Traveled.)
2. Most of the time you get what you put in. – If you want love, give love. If you want friends, be friendly. If you’d like to feel understood, try being more understanding. It’s a simple practice that works.
3. You shouldn’t have to fight for a spot in someone’s life. – Never force someone to make a space in their life for you, because if they know your worth, they will create one for you.
4. There is a purpose for everyone you meet. – Some people will test you, some will use you, and some will teach you; but most importantly some will bring out the best in you. Learn to see and accept the differences between these people, and carry on accordingly.
5. We all change, and that’s okay. – Our needs change with time. When someone says, “You’ve changed,” it’s not always a bad thing. Sometimes itjust means you stopped living your life their way. Don’t apologize for it. Instead, be open and sincere, explain how you feel, and keep doing what you know in your heart is right.
6. You are in full control of your own happiness. – If your relationship with yourself isn’t working, don’t expect your other relationships to be any different. Nobody else in this world can make you happy. It’s something you have to do on your own. And you have to create your own happiness first before you can share it with someone else. If you feel that it’s your partner’s fault, think again, and look within yourself to find out what piece is missing. Your partner can never ‘complete’ you because you are already whole. The longing for completion that you feel inside comes from being out of touch with who you are. (Read Stumbling on Happiness.)
7. Forgiving others helps YOU. – Forgiveness is not saying, “What you did to me is okay.” It is saying, “I’m not going to let what you did to me ruin my happiness forever.” Forgiveness is the answer. It doesn’t mean you’re erasing the past, or forgetting what happened. It means you’re letting go of the resentment and pain, and instead choosing to learn from the incident and move on with your life.
8. You can’t change people; they can only change themselves. – Instead of trying to change others, give them your support and lead by example. If there’s a specific behavior someone you love has that you’re hoping disappears over time, it probably won’t. If you really need them to change something, be honest and put all the cards on the table so this person knows what you need them to do.
9. Heated arguments are a waste of time. – The less time you spend arguing with the people who hurt you, the more time you’ll have to love the people who love you. And if you happen to find yourself arguing with someone you love, don’t let your anger get the best of you. Give yourself some time to calm down and then gently discuss the situation. (Read The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.)
10. You are better off without some people. – When you have to start compromising yourself and your morals for the people around you, it’s probably time to change the people around you. If someone continuously mistreats you or pushes you in the wrong direction, have enough respect for yourself to walk away from them. It may hurt for a little while, but it’ll be ok. You’ll be ok, and far better off in the long run.
11. Small gestures of kindness go a long way. – Honor your important relationships in some way every chance you get. Every day you have the opportunity to make your relationship sweeter and deeper by makingsmall gestures to show your appreciation and affection. Remember, making one person smile can change the world. Maybe not the whole world, but their world. Your kindness and gratitude matters.
12. Even the best relationships don’t last forever. – People don’t live forever. Appreciate what you have, who loves you and who cares for you. You’ll never know how much they mean to you until the day they are no longer beside you. And remember, just because something doesn’t last forever, doesn’t mean it wasn’t worth your while.

Thankful Thursday

What If You Woke Up Today With Only The Things You Thanked God For Yesterday.

My Grandmother- The one woman who has never been anything other than a True Proverbs 31 Woman. My grandmother has a backbone of God and Steel. She loved my Grandfather for fifty something years before she became a widow. She survived and overcame the battle of Breast Cancer twice in her lifetime. She now is mentally suffering with dementia. But, it sure keeps the family laughing even though it is a test of patience. She is beautiful, has more friends than any lady I've ever known and has always kept God number One in her life.

My Daddy- My dad and I have had our countless vein-in-your-forehead-popping-out-arguments. But, In the end we both know its because we are both just a like. Stubborn & Set in our own ways. He's made me mad. I've made him mad. But, it wasn't until the past two years when My dad became one of my best friends. From teaching me to load a shot gun to baiting a hook as a child. My dad taught me many of things, to where to pay your tithes, how a man thinks, & most importantly how to pray. He may not be perfect, but his advice always goes back to the "ya daddy told ya so." He showed me how to get out and stand on my feet & the past two years I have had the bestrelationship with him. From when I was little until now. I know day or night. My daddy will come running fast- packing heat, or with a trunk of packed groceries. I will always be a daddy's little girl.

My mother- Although we disagree on where I should be in life. I will have to say there are sometimes I know I have no one else to call or text and say Mom, I need someone to talk to... and I just know that she's my prayer warrior. She is a woman of God and I am forever thankful to come from Mother that is rooted in God's word.

My Aunt Cindy and Uncle JW- I have always been my Aunt's favorite since I was small. This woman taught me to shop, to love, and to buck up. She's been there when I needed to know that I was a woman of worth. She was there to tell me that it would be hard, lonely, but worth while. She was there to tell me when I needed to be reminded as to what My Grandy would do in a situation with a bad man. My back bone is made strictly of my "Matson Blood" I'm mean because My Grandy was mean. But, like a lady I was taught by her that you only need to stand up when you need to stand. But, you never let a man tell you to sit. haha! She brings care packages when I need them and text when she knows I need an ear. I don't know where I'd be without you and your blunt loving advice!

My Dog Maggie- Maggie was a Shelter pup that I picked up when I was laid off from work and going through the hardest time in my life. I was heartbroken and unemployed. Maggie knew why she was in my life from day one. Day's where I didn't get out of bed, eat, and just cry turned into days getting up to take her out. She was the Step to getting back up and hitting back the ladder in my life. She helped me get up and enjoy the outdoors. When I didn't wanna do anything but sleep and cry she would bury her head in my shoulder and just sleep with me. Her therapeutic way helped me cope. After someone giving her antifreeze this past Summer. I turned into her ladder. She didn't let me give up and I didn't let her. We've been through hell and back together. Without her. I know I'd given up.

Katey Martin- I don't know what I would have done in many of my Life's curve balls without you by my side. Even when we go without talking from time to time. Your still my go to girl and we pick up right where we left off. Thank You for everything you've ever done for me or said to make my hard times better. You truly are My Best Friend & I am so Thankful for you!

Jeanie Ogle- My number one positive influential friend. As a Wife, a Youth Leader's Wife, A director in direct sales, An MBA job title, Antique loving, dog compassionate, 9 to 5 Xray Technician, and a Alabama Teen Challenge passionate lady. I have never met someone who is so positive and well put together. The Many Dr. Pepper Can's and Front Porch therapy sessions we have had on Milton Avenue have done me more help and good than you will ever know! God uses you my friend in so many ways!

Brooke, Carey, & Kirstin- I met you all nearly two years ago in Vancouver, Washington & the moment we sat at out "Southern table" we four became best friends and soul mates. Each of us were going through a change in our lives or about to endure a hard ship that each of us couldn't have gone through without encountering a few strangers on the West coast that week in August. I know each of you have given me advice that I couldn't have ever received from anyone else. Although, we are in different states, I am thankful that our clique has remained to be very close. Each of you are beautiful women. I thank God for each of you on a daily basis. Single. Married. Mothers. Or whatever You will always be my go to girls for a fun night out or a shoulder to cry on. Whether it's Kirstin's dry to the point advice to Brooke's wild nights at Fado and relationship advice over mimosa's on a Sunday. Or Carey's Been there done that shoulder to cry on and bed to lay in on a Sunday and watch tv. Each of you hold a special memory, and special place in my heart.

Alison Sorely- Whether it's a midnight chair on the streets of downtown Sylacauga, dancing to jute box tunes, a Road trip to Atlanta, or Walking the Streets of College Station Mall in Texas. You have been a soul mate type friendship. I am thankful for our late night texts, your kicking butt skills in Words With Friends, our conversations about men, God, clothing, fashion, weddings, and life have helped me so much! I am thankful for you in so many ways.

Kayla- Although we have a don't talk for awhile but pick up right where we left off friendship. I am so thankful for you! If it's tears on my couch in the middle of the day, or advice over our what's suppose to be a monthly date to Sips & Strokes, Or that gym membership we never worked out with. You are one of the strongest women I've ever met. You are the most beautiful put together person I've ever met. & I am so thankful for you!

Angela & Tammy- Both of you have meant so much to me over the past six years. I look up to you in many ways. From Charge Nurses, to "moms", and my best friends. You both are strong women and I don't know what I'd do without you both!

Be thankful.

-ashleigh

“People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave. A soul mates purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life..."

― Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love

And although we adore men individually, we agree that as a group they're rather stupid

-Marry poppins

The Box

Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. once said, “If you lose hope, somehow you lose the vitality that keeps life moving, you lose that courage to be, that quality that helps you go on in spite of it all. And so today I still have a dream.” The weather lately in Alabama has seemed to perfectly match my life lately. It’d been raining a slow drizzle that caused everything to appear a dreary gray. I’d been in a reflective mood on a particular day last week as I began to think about the box’s I will be checking off as I got another year older. As women we have those boxes… the close to thirty box, the thirty box, and the over thirty-five box. Here I am about to check my very first box as I realize I am getting older. With a mixture of sadness and dread, now fully realizing the implications of my first box I cried the first day.

Why did that box feel like the end of the world? What gives one small square so much power over a woman’s emotional state? For me, it’s more than a mere box it’s a category that seems to scream, “You are getting closer thirty, and you are nowhere near where you thought you would be at your age!” I realize that most people refer to me as “still young” but I will say that makes me cringe because I had a game plan.

We all have “that box” that inflicts pain. What does yours say?

• Overweight
• Unemployed
• Single
• Infertile
• Divorced
• Failed
• Disabled
• Pregnant
• Widow
• Terminal

Let's admit it girls- We all have our version of "the List". You know the handful of goals we'd like to have accomplished by a certain age. Those career goals, relationship goals, life long dreams. Let's just simply fact it we have all at some point as a female made a list or a "What I want Accomplished By..."

Number 1: Sixteen- Freedom!! I will finally be able to drive. A brand new car of course, hopefully my parents will give me a great late curfew and I can finally DRIVE! Look out Sylacauga! (The name of my small town.)

Number 2: Graduation. Freedom. I will finally be free!! No more mean girls, no more drama, no more acne, bad hair days, no more parents. Wrong. I lived with my parents as I went to a community college for an additional two years and still had drama (guy drama) and bad hair days.

Number 3: College. Metamorphosis of the most beautiful woman. Hello? Have you ever seen an ugly sorority girl? I'll graduate on the Dean's List. Get a scholarship and graduate with a degree. Move out of Sylacauga and live on my own. Wrong. I got the Dean's List and the scholarships. But, no sororities take place at a community college and it took me two degree changes to figure out what I wanted to do finally.

Number 4: After Graduation I will land a killer job and work on my fabulous career. While in College I will meet the love of my life. However, I will break his heart because I will have to say, " I really just want to work on my career right now, i can't even think of marriage until I'm atleast twenty-seven." We break up, and the poor chap's heart is broken.

Number 5: I meet Mr. Right. I wasn't looking of course. Actually I was running from all of my eligible pursuers. But, well, one evening at a charity gala, the host of the event asked me to dance. Cinderella would be so proud. The evening was magical. He is handsome but not pretty. Successful and wealthy but not spoiled. He pursues, I was torn with the thought of giving up the career I'd worked so hard for but...

Number 6: The ring! Finally! Envy from all my friends but meaningful to me because well, I designed it. The blushing bride is at bittersweet moment, again because I am having to give up my hard earned career... because I have to plan a wedding of course!

Number 7: After the wedding of my dreams, we want to take time for just "us," so we travel... a lot. I'm sadly unable to return to work as I am spending time decorating our new harm, where before the ripe old age of thirty I am blessed with two beautiful children, a boy and a girl, respectively. Oh, and don't worry. Though I am a wife and a mother, I still take time for my girlfriends (you know, the lifelong friends I made in college). For my thirtieth birthday he sends us to a tropical location. He flies us all there where we relax and reminisce about our lives, loves, and our Lists, and how very complete they are.

That's my List.

But, here's the thing:Life has never went according to plan Ashleigh. Well, to be fair, some of the things did happen. I do in fact have my drivers license. And, yes, I do have several diplomas hanging in my office, and I do have a very fabulous corporate job, but the rest of my List remains unchecked.

Confession time. I am a single girl about to turn her self-imposed marriage deadline of twenty-four. And that my friend brings me to the big-fat-ugly-birthday I am hoping to ignore. and the List. Well this sucker has been tormenting me for weeks preceding this upcoming Wednesday.

Ecclesiastes 3 A Time for Everything

¹ There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens:² a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, ³ a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, ⁴ a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, ⁵ a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing, ⁶ a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, ⁷ a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, ⁸ a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace.

Okay, so I'm not a total nitwit. I understand the message and how it applied to my particular pity party... singleness is a season. There is a time for everything... blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Its not like there aren't four zillion books out there for single women saying all the same thing. So naturally my response to this verse is, Lord, I know, but how do I make this season beautiful? Because if I'm going to be honest with you, the way I'm going right now is not so pretty. I need some serious help. You know... the supernatural-part the waters, flood the ravens-kind of help. And in that emotional state of disappointment mingled with desire I heard the Lord's response to my question. He said, Ashleigh, you need to exchange your List for My List.

Exchange my List? But, we've been together for so long. What could this mean? You see as I drove to work this morning, I began to understand more and more what the Lord meant by this exchange. My eyes were open to see that my List was simply worldly possessions, accomplishments, and goals I hoped and believed would bring joy and happiness to my life. But, as I began to look around I realized that there are millions of women out there with their own List. Their own boxes-I noticed the amazing truth that they really weren't happy or content either. You can be happy and miserable. You can climb a corporate ladder and feel nothing but despair at the top. You can have the American dream and feel like your living a nightmare. The secret to joy in any season of life is exchanging our List for his List

Married or Single.

College Student or Senior Citizen.

Mommy or CEO

Bridesmaid or Bride.

Any box we check or the list we make, the only way to discover joy is for us to be willing to make the exchange.

“Single life may be only a stage of life’s journey, but even a stage is a gift…this gift for this day. The life of faith is lived one day at a time, and it has to be lived - not always looked forward to as through the “real” living were around the next corner. it is today for which we are responsible. God still owns tomorrow.”

—	Elisabeth Elliot “In the Shadow of the Almighty” -ashleigh

Leap Year Tradition

I just heard about this today. On Leap Years it is tradition on February 29th for a woman to ask a man to be married. If he declines he has to give her a silk dress and silk gloves. hmmm...

Sex, Marriage, & Fairytales || Spoken Word

xo-ashleigh

Grandmothers Advice.

There's no doubt about it-breakups suck. But in the first few hours or days or weeks that follow, there's one important truth you need to recognize: Some things can't and shouldn't be fixed, especially that loser who dumped you or forced you to dump him. It's over for a reason, and deep down inside you probably know what that reason is.

At the end of the day, it's about weather YOU like yourself enough to face the reality that your romance wasn't working.. to recognize that it wasn't giving you what you needed and deserved

Life's biggest rewards come from the biggest challenges.

Anyone who assesses you or your relationship as "disposable" is not worthy of your time or tears.

Just remember, though, that any reasons you come up with are ultimately irrelevant. The harsh reality is that even if you have EVERYTHING else in common, the one thing you don't have in common is the belief that this relationship can work. & that alone trumps your shared love of puppies, The Dave Matthews Band, and Mexican food.

A lot of the pain you are experiencing right now is actually fear. Fear of things being different then how you liked them, fear of never finding love again, fear of being alone, fear of having to fill your time differently. We're afraid of the unknown.

The person you loved took a good long look at the awesomeness that is you, evaluated your relationship together, and said, "No, thanks. I'll try my luck elsewhere." Or you said it to him. Either way, that alone should make you realize that it wasn't a match made in heaven

"I don't know" means "NO!"
"I don't know" means "I'm too cowardly to tell you the truth because I can't deal with confrontation."
"I don't know" means please do the dirty work for me because I don't want to hurt your feelings even more then I already have.

Awesome thought: The annoying thing that your ex did will never bother you again. I'm sure that your plan to get him back worked out in your head. I'm even sure that it worked out in some movie you saw. But your ex does not have the time to follow a movie script and you shouldn't either. Move on.

Every moment of pain, weakness, and discomfort puts you in a position to choose how you will react and how you will alleviate your condition. Calling him doesn't make it better.. it only pulls you back into the cycle of heartbreak.
He is the past. You are the future.

Messing up his life isn't the best revenge. It's getting on with yours and living it to the fullest.

One of the suckiest and most frustrating facts of life is that sometimes rela­tionships just end, often without reason. I truly believe that some­times both men and women simply run out of love, even when there was a lot of it in the beginning.

Before you look for validation in others, try and find it in yourself.

As much as it sucks, you need to FORCE yourself to remember your very worst times together, ..his most irritating habits and the hard truth that not only can he live without you.. but he'd rather.

You're giving an okay guy who cheats on his girlfriend a hell of a lot more credit then he deserves. He's a coward and a betrayer of not one but TWO women. He clearly feels ambivalent about you at best.. otherwise, he would have left this other woman a long time ago.

So many of us find ourselves saying "BUT HE WAS SO GREAT!" Yes, and the people who got on the Titanic thought they were going on vacation. Things changed and it's important to remember that they did.

Awesome thought: The right guy is out there right now, wondering when he's going meet someone just like you.

His regrets or lack thereof are exactly that- his . and not even the best little black cocktail dress can change that.

Every time you see him, you only make yourself vulnerable to further heartache. Do you really need further proof that he's getting on with his life without you?

The one who dumped you has had a huge head start on the healing. However long he entertained ending the relationship is also how long he's been emotionally extracting himself from you.

He was either partially or totally over it before you even knew it was going down

You weren't in the same relationship. That should answer ALL your questions.

You can love your friends.. ..you can love your family ... you can even love every stray dog or stray drummer that crosses your path. HOWEVER, you have to learn how to love yourself, like yourself, and put yourself first before you will ever find the healthy, loving, and lasting relationship that you've been looking for.

xo-ashleigh

A Woman Should...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE

...one old love she can imagine going back to... and one who reminds her how far she has come...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE

...enough money within her control to move out and rent a place of her own even if she never wants to or needs to...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE

.. something perfect to wear if the employer or date of her dreams wants to see her in an hour...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE

.. a youth she's content to leave behind...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE

...a past juicy enough that she's looking forward to retelling it in her old age....

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE

...a set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE

..one friend who always makes her laugh ... and one who lets her cry...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE

...a good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in her family...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE

...eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems, and a recipe for a meal that will make her guests feel honored.

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE

...a feeling of control over her destiny...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...

....how to fall in love without losing herself...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...

..how to quit a job, break up with a lover, and confront a friend without ruining the friendship...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...

...when to try harder ... and when to walk away...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...

....that she can't change the length of her calves, the width of her hips, or the nature of her

parents...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...

...that her childhood may not have been perfect...but its over...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...

...what she would and wouldn't do for love or more...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...

..how to live alone... even if she doesn't like it...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...

...whom she can trust, whom she can't, and why she shouldn't take it personally...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...

...where to go... be it to her best friend's kitchen table... or a charming inn in the woods... when her soul needs soothing...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...

.. what she can and can't accomplish in a day... a month...and a year...

-ashleigh

Landing on My Feet

When a person hears the word cancer many thoughts instantly come to mind. If diagnosed with the illness, usually the first response is fight or flight mode. When our natural fight or flight response is activated, sequences of nerve cell firing occur and chemicals like adrenaline, noradrenaline and cortisol are released into our bloodstream. These patterns of nerve cell firing and chemical release cause our body to undergo a series of very dramatic changes. Our respiratory rate increases. Blood is shunted away from our digestive tract and directed into our muscles and limbs, which require extra energy and fuel for running and fighting. Our pupils dilate. Our awareness intensifies. Our sight sharpens. Our impulses quicken. Our perception of pain diminishes. Our immune system mobilizes with increased activation. We become prepared—physically and psychologically—for fight or flight.

We scan and search our environment, "looking for the enemy." Our fight or flight response is designed to protect us from the proverbial saber tooth tigers that once lurked in the woods and fields around us, threatening our physical survival. At times when our actual physical survival is threatened, there is no greater response to have on our side. When activated, the fight or flight response causes a surge of adrenaline and other stress hormones to pump through our body. This surge is the force responsible for mothers lifting cars off their trapped children and for firemen heroically running into blazing houses to save endangered victims. The surge of adrenaline imbues us with heroism and courage at times when we are called upon to protect and defend the lives and values we cherish. When our personal saber tooth tigers come lurking out of the woods, disguised in many different mask. We automatically go into the mode of either we are going to fight making us a survivor or flee and act like we never saw the monster.

When we flee, we can run for years and never realize how far we have ran. We may see our saber tooth tigers repeatedly throughout our race- but one things for sure we always have the perceived saber tooth in the back of our heads haunting us. Our Saber tooth tigers as a female can be masked in a stressful day at work, being diagnosed with cancer or other illnesses, a traffic incident, and then there is the one eyed one horn domestic violence. However, just like a person on a death bead in the end stages of life, we shut down. We become hopeless, helpless, and we can't see our way out. Therefore, we just lay there and sulk becoming defeated.

If I could relate anything to domestic violence I would relate it to being diagnosed with cancer. Not everyone is effected by it and not everyone is diagnosed with it. But, the reality is statistics are both extremely high. In America, when someone is diagnosed with cancer that is unrelated, many of our responses are calloused. We say our "oohs and ah's and Bless his/her hearts" and go on about our day because we selfishly were not affected by the tragedy. Just like calloused hands of an old mill worker, eventually blisters will not affect him as he works because the callous has hardened his hands. As American's we have the highest rates of domestic violence, but how many people knew that? Did you know that, every nine seconds, a woman is battered by in the United States by her husband, boyfriend, or live-in partner? Or that, approximately 8.8 million children witness domestic violence each year. Of men who abuse women, 40-60% abuse children as well. Nearly one in five teenage girls report that a boyfriend threatened violence or self-harm when presented with a breakup. 1 in 3 teenagers report knowing a friend or peer who has been hit, punched, kicked, slapped, choked or physically hurt by their partner.

We as American's perceive Domestic Violence as a personal rather a social problem. Which I believe is just simply another characteristic of a selfish society. The truth is, until your affected by it- you don't really care. You may offer you condolences and "I'm here if you need me's," but do we really try to stop it? Domestic Violence is a broad scope of verbal and physical abuse. If you are affected. You either decide to become a statistic and automatically go into the American label of "battered women" or you take action just like you would if you were diagnosed with a deadly disease and become a survivor.

That label is something I never thought I'd wear. I wore the label and wore it out. For years, I was a victim. I instinctively without realizing chose toxic relationships. I didn't take action. I accepted the violence as a part of life and continued to go along my every day activities covering my wounds with the band-aids of good time and a fake smile. I for years felt like my life was in a glass trap. I could see out- but I never could break through the barrier and get out. Like real sores and cuts in life, the best healing is the fresh air. Uncovering a band-aid and letting nature run its course. Finally, I took one hit too many. I saw myself change after a DV attack one night. But, I still ended up eventually choosing another toxic relationship relapsing again into the spirals of another bad domestic violence habits. I thought, like many women, that men were supposed to take control. To be the head. But, never did I realize until I grew from my situations that relationships were meant to be way more than a dominion. That a relationship was about love and not drama if you will- that God really had the marriage covenant for a reason to protect us.

I look back on the past two years of my life and realize that God placed and took out many people to teach me life lessons that I needed to learn in order to reach the summit of my mountain. For years, I clung to a boulder on the side of my mountain after passing through a wilderness of preparation for my change. But, after finally having the faith, friends, and a active support network, I managed to get pass the boulder, climb to the top of my mountain, and now look at the summit. I still have a hard time breathing the fresh air and still have a few hoops to finish going through. But, I can see the finish line of this growing experience and I am happy to say that I am totally not the same person I was two years ago to even two months ago. God is all about timing, despite the obstacles and leaps in life. He always has a message in every situation. With broken ribs and a broken jaw and many painful bruises... I never saw it coming, I never knew I could, some how I managed to jump off the cliff & land on my feet.

-ashleigh