Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. once said, “If you lose hope, somehow you lose the vitality that keeps life moving, you lose that courage to be, that quality that helps you go on in spite of it all. And so today I still have a dream.” The weather lately in Alabama has seemed to perfectly match my life lately. It’d been raining a slow drizzle that caused everything to appear a dreary gray. I’d been in a reflective mood on a particular day last week as I began to think about the box’s I will be checking off as I got another year older. As women we have those boxes… the close to thirty box, the thirty box, and the over thirty-five box. Here I am about to check my very first box as I realize I am getting older. With a mixture of sadness and dread, now fully realizing the implications of my first box I cried the first day.
Why did that box feel like the end of the world? What gives one small square so much power over a woman’s emotional state? For me, it’s more than a mere box it’s a category that seems to scream, “You are getting closer thirty, and you are nowhere near where you thought you would be at your age!” I realize that most people refer to me as “still young” but I will say that makes me cringe because I had a game plan.
We all have “that box” that inflicts pain. What does yours say?
- Overweight
- Unemployed
- Single
- Infertile
- Divorced
- Failed
- Disabled
- Pregnant
- Widow
- Terminal
Number 1: Sixteen- Freedom!! I will finally be able to drive. A brand new car of course, hopefully my parents will give me a great late curfew and I can finally DRIVE! Look out Sylacauga! (The name of my small town.)
Number 2: Graduation. Freedom. I will finally be free!! No more mean girls, no more drama, no more acne, bad hair days, no more parents. Wrong. I lived with my parents as I went to a community college for an additional two years and still had drama (guy drama) and bad hair days.
Number 3: College. Metamorphosis of the most beautiful woman. Hello? Have you ever seen an ugly sorority girl? I'll graduate on the Dean's List. Get a scholarship and graduate with a degree. Move out of Sylacauga and live on my own. Wrong. I got the Dean's List and the scholarships. But, no sororities take place at a community college and it took me two degree changes to figure out what I wanted to do finally.
Number 4: After Graduation I will land a killer job and work on my fabulous career. While in College I will meet the love of my life. However, I will break his heart because I will have to say, " I really just want to work on my career right now, i can't even think of marriage until I'm atleast twenty-seven." We break up, and the poor chap's heart is broken.
Number 5: I meet Mr. Right. I wasn't looking of course. Actually I was running from all of my eligible pursuers. But, well, one evening at a charity gala, the host of the event asked me to dance. Cinderella would be so proud. The evening was magical. He is handsome but not pretty. Successful and wealthy but not spoiled. He pursues, I was torn with the thought of giving up the career I'd worked so hard for but...
Number 6: The ring! Finally! Envy from all my friends but meaningful to me because well, I designed it. The blushing bride is at bittersweet moment, again because I am having to give up my hard earned career... because I have to plan a wedding of course!
Number 7: After the wedding of my dreams, we want to take time for just "us," so we travel... a lot. I'm sadly unable to return to work as I am spending time decorating our new harm, where before the ripe old age of thirty I am blessed with two beautiful children, a boy and a girl, respectively. Oh, and don't worry. Though I am a wife and a mother, I still take time for my girlfriends (you know, the lifelong friends I made in college). For my thirtieth birthday he sends us to a tropical location. He flies us all there where we relax and reminisce about our lives, loves, and our Lists, and how very complete they are.
That's my List.
But, here's the thing:Life has never went according to plan Ashleigh. Well, to be fair, some of the things did happen. I do in fact have my drivers license. And, yes, I do have several diplomas hanging in my office, and I do have a very fabulous corporate job, but the rest of my List remains unchecked.
Confession time. I am a single girl about to turn her self-imposed marriage deadline of twenty-four. And that my friend brings me to the big-fat-ugly-birthday I am hoping to ignore. and the List. Well this sucker has been tormenting me for weeks preceding this upcoming Wednesday.
Ecclesiastes 3 A Time for Everything
1 There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens:2 a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, 3 a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, 4 a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, 5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing, 6 a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, 7 a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, 8 a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace.
Okay, so I'm not a total nitwit. I understand the message and how it applied to my particular pity party... singleness is a season. There is a time for everything... blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Its not like there aren't four zillion books out there for single women saying all the same thing. So naturally my response to this verse is, Lord, I know, but how do I make this season beautiful? Because if I'm going to be honest with you, the way I'm going right now is not so pretty. I need some serious help. You know... the supernatural-part the waters, flood the ravens-kind of help. And in that emotional state of disappointment mingled with desire I heard the Lord's response to my question. He said, Ashleigh, you need to exchange your List for My List.
Exchange my List? But, we've been together for so long. What could this mean? You see as I drove to work this morning, I began to understand more and more what the Lord meant by this exchange. My eyes were open to see that my List was simply worldly possessions, accomplishments, and goals I hoped and believed would bring joy and happiness to my life. But, as I began to look around I realized that there are millions of women out there with their own List. Their own boxes-I noticed the amazing truth that they really weren't happy or content either. You can be happy and miserable. You can climb a corporate ladder and feel nothing but despair at the top. You can have the American dream and feel like your living a nightmare. The secret to joy in any season of life is exchanging our List for his List
Married or Single.
College Student or Senior Citizen.
Mommy or CEO
Bridesmaid or Bride.
Any box we check or the list we make, the only way to discover joy is for us to be willing to make the exchange.
“Single life may be only a stage of life’s journey, but even a stage is a gift…this gift for this day. The life of faith is lived one day at a time, and it has to be lived - not always looked forward to as through the “real” living were around the next corner. it is today for which we are responsible. God still owns tomorrow.”
| — | Elisabeth Elliot “In the Shadow of the Almighty” -ashleigh |
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