Thirst.

When was the last time you were actually thirsty? Take just a second and remember the feeling-the sheer desperation of needing something to quench your thirst. It brings to mind the image of a lone traveler in a desert gazing into the horizon in search for a cool spring. I've never had to crawl across a desert, but I think the thirstiest I'd ever been was when I was in highschool after a soccer tournament in the beginning of Summer. I played soccer for a team in Birmingham and we had a 4 game tournament starting at 7am on a Saturday. It was sweltering hot outside. The heat alone was one factor, but, also the activities of constant running as a wing and striker on soccer field was another. I also at this time had an eating disorder and was severly dehydrated from laxative abuse -by midafternoon my throat was raw and lips were cracked. On multiple occasions I remember running to the sidelines to the community water bottles the coach provided and drinking from them because my thirst was so painful.
One of the coaches would run up and down the sidelines with the community water bottles bearing cold water to the players. One of the particular games I remember running to the side lines and the water cooler being gone. The only thing to drink was one of the players had a hot, syrupy Dr. Pepper in her bag. I took the Dr. Pepper- it could be worse like grape soda- and in my moment of desperation tilted my head back and took a long drink. For a minute, my need was gone. But just as quickly, my thirst was back and raging with a vengeance. Only one thing was going to satisfy and that was the genuine article: H2O, I was in desperate need of the real thing.







As I think about how intense my thirst was that long, hot day, I cannot help but see the similarity between my body's thirst for real water and my soul's thirst for God. But, just like settling for a hot soda instead of a cool, refreshing water, for years I settled for what I hoped would satisfy my thirst: a man. So time and time again, I hoped a relationship would fulfill the deepest longings in my soul-- but like the hot soda, the hot guy worked for a moment, but in the end I was left parched.







Relationships:







Let me explain. Relationships can be amazing, especially at the beginning--they hold so much promise. You meet a guy, and if there's actually a connection-or as Carrie Bradshaw would say "za za zoom"-- there is so much hope and excitement when you two first start hanging out. Often we enter these relationships with a secret thirst, not a physical one, but our souls are thirsty and we hope certain needs will be quenched in the relationship.



We come into a relationship hoping to feel that we belong to someone. And for a season, we do feel that way. There's that rush that happens when we walk down the street hand in hand or the joy of having a date for our office Christmas party- or just the fill in the blank for your particular I-can't-go-alone event. The confident feeling that says, "I'm with someone" makes us feel important, special, and desired.



We also come into relationships with the hope of finding acceptance - someone who will love us, as one of my favorite movie lines, "Just the way you are" (Thank you very much Bridgette Jones.) We hope the nagging questions about our worth, our lovability, and all those pesky self-doubts will be removed with the mere presence of another.







Many of us enter into a relationship and think, Security at last! Finally, someone who will make everything OK, I'm not alone anymore. Perhaps subconsciously we believe we've found someone who will take care of us and meet all of our needs.







And last, but certainly not least, we come into relationships with a deep thirst for completion. This is the hope that someone else will fill our emptiness and drive away the lonliness. Oh yes, romantic love comes in a rush, and lets face it... romance is a rush. But there still comes a day when we wake up and realize, "I'm still empty." We still don't feel all that secure. For some reason we don't feel loved. And even if there is a head on the pillow next to ours, we can still feel completely alone.



Simply put we come into relationships looking for unconditional love. But can this love be found in any human relationship? Or better yet, are human relationships enough to satisfy the thirst of our souls for belonging, security, acceptance, and completion? Can boyfriends or husbands banish all of our insecurities and make us feel whole and complete? I would suggest the answer is no.







For many women the dissapointment can lead to disillusionment--is the love my heart thirst for really available? Disillusionment can send some women into depression and even others into divorce. I'm serious here. Think about it. If I enter a relationship with the expectation that this guy is going to fill my sould and drive away all my insecurities, what happens when he fails? Does that mean I married the wrong guy? Does that mean I haven't found "the one"? Granted, there are reasonable expectations we should hold as a part of being in a healthy relationship-one in which both parties are concerned with meeting the other person's needs. And if a man is a real man, he will be concerned with making his girl feel secure, accepted, and loved. But the point is this: even the best guy, on his best day, can only go so far. There will always remain a place, unreachable by flowers and kisses, that belongs to God alone; and it is this place, the God-Spot that our deepest thirst is found. And until that place is filled by God Himself, all the romance in the world will never satisfy. One stop at your local grocery store will confirm this truth. Pick up People, Us Weekly, or and other celebrity gossip magazines, and you will find tales of souls searching for love. Our addiction to these publications is fueled by who's dating whom,who's getting divorced, and why-did-so-and-so-leave-her-latest-soul-mate drama. When the celebrity relationship begins, each party is gushing to the world as to how they've found the one, the love of their lives. But then no sooner than you've thrown out the last weekly edition, the celebrity has moved on to someone new, someone who will hopefully, this time, meet all her needs and quench the thirst.



It goes without saying that Carrie Bradshaw,Sex & the City character typifies the lovelorn woman best. Throughout the six seasons, Carrie's love life is the central focus of the show's plotline. Her hopes, dreams, and disapointments fuel much of Sex and the Cities success with women everywhere. Why do women love Carrie? Is it just her love for shoes? Is is the fashion? Perhaps, but I think the real reason we love Carrie is we identify with her struggles, her desires, and her hope to find real love.



In the final two episodes of Sex and the City, Carrie's search for love has led her from comfy confines of her New York City apartment across the Atlantic ocean to an exquisite hotel room in Paris to be with her current "luvah," Alexander Pertrovsky. In what one of the most dramatic moments in the six seasons of Sex and the City, Miss Bradshaw confesses the ultimate desire of her heart:




I'm looking for love, Real love. Ridiculous. inconvenient, consuming, can't-live-without-each-other love, And I don't think that love is here in this expensive suite in this lovely hotel in Paris.

Season 6, episode 94




With these words Carrie ends her love affair with The Russian, who is yet another dissapointment in her quest to find "real love." If you've ever seen this episode, you probably felt the weight of Carrie's dissapointment. Carrie kissed her friends good-bye and left life in New York behinf... and for what? Yet another failed relationship. She's broken and hurting-her heart is ripped open-and we wonder if she will ever find what she is looking for. Mr. Big, who is now miraculously ready to commit to a relations. True to Hollywood form, the final season reveals a carefree Carrie, strolling fown the streets of her beloved NYC ansering a call from her love, Mr. Big, whose name we finally learn is John. The two are now living happily-ever-after....or so it seems.







The girls of Sex and the City are no different from the rest of us; they, too, have a deep thirst that only God can quench. They crave real love. But their thirst cannot be quenchs by Cosmos, and their cravings can't be satisfied by cupcakes. They long to feel acceptance and to know the security of uncondional love. But, what they don't know is what this real love is and where it is ultimately found. As we all eventually find out, cosmos and cupcakes, martini's and men, will leave you as hung over, overweight, and undermined. Our purest form of self becomes and intoxicated essence that reeks of habitual mistakes and continual longings. Unfulfilled desires perpetrate exhausting journeys into emptinees. Empty glass, empty arms, and empty hearts.


-ashleigh