When a person hears the word cancer many thoughts instantly come to mind. If diagnosed with the illness, usually the first response is fight or flight mode. When our natural fight or flight response is activated, sequences of nerve cell firing occur and chemicals like adrenaline, noradrenaline and cortisol are released into our bloodstream. These patterns of nerve cell firing and chemical release cause our body to undergo a series of very dramatic changes. Our respiratory rate increases. Blood is shunted away from our digestive tract and directed into our muscles and limbs, which require extra energy and fuel for running and fighting. Our pupils dilate. Our awareness intensifies. Our sight sharpens. Our impulses quicken. Our perception of pain diminishes. Our immune system mobilizes with increased activation. We become prepared—physically and psychologically—for fight or flight.
We scan and search our environment, "looking for the enemy." Our fight or flight response is designed to protect us from the proverbial saber tooth tigers that once lurked in the woods and fields around us, threatening our physical survival. At times when our actual physical survival is threatened, there is no greater response to have on our side. When activated, the fight or flight response causes a surge of adrenaline and other stress hormones to pump through our body. This surge is the force responsible for mothers lifting cars off their trapped children and for firemen heroically running into blazing houses to save endangered victims. The surge of adrenaline imbues us with heroism and courage at times when we are called upon to protect and defend the lives and values we cherish. When our personal saber tooth tigers come lurking out of the woods, disguised in many different mask. We automatically go into the mode of either we are going to fight making us a survivor or flee and act like we never saw the monster.
When we flee, we can run for years and never realize how far we have ran. We may see our saber tooth tigers repeatedly throughout our race- but one things for sure we always have the perceived saber tooth in the back of our heads haunting us. Our Saber tooth tigers as a female can be masked in a stressful day at work, being diagnosed with cancer or other illnesses, a traffic incident, and then there is the one eyed one horn domestic violence. However, just like a person on a death bead in the end stages of life, we shut down. We become hopeless, helpless, and we can't see our way out. Therefore, we just lay there and sulk becoming defeated.
If I could relate anything to domestic violence I would relate it to being diagnosed with cancer. Not everyone is effected by it and not everyone is diagnosed with it. But, the reality is statistics are both extremely high. In America, when someone is diagnosed with cancer that is unrelated, many of our responses are calloused. We say our "oohs and ah's and Bless his/her hearts" and go on about our day because we selfishly were not affected by the tragedy. Just like calloused hands of an old mill worker, eventually blisters will not affect him as he works because the callous has hardened his hands. As American's we have the highest rates of domestic violence, but how many people knew that? Did you know that, every nine seconds, a woman is battered by in the United States by her husband, boyfriend, or live-in partner? Or that, approximately 8.8 million children witness domestic violence each year. Of men who abuse women, 40-60% abuse children as well. Nearly one in five teenage girls report that a boyfriend threatened violence or self-harm when presented with a breakup. 1 in 3 teenagers report knowing a friend or peer who has been hit, punched, kicked, slapped, choked or physically hurt by their partner.
We as American's perceive Domestic Violence as a personal rather a social problem. Which I believe is just simply another characteristic of a selfish society. The truth is, until your affected by it- you don't really care. You may offer you condolences and "I'm here if you need me's," but do we really try to stop it? Domestic Violence is a broad scope of verbal and physical abuse. If you are affected. You either decide to become a statistic and automatically go into the American label of "battered women" or you take action just like you would if you were diagnosed with a deadly disease and become a survivor.
That label is something I never thought I'd wear. I wore the label and wore it out. For years, I was a victim. I instinctively without realizing chose toxic relationships. I didn't take action. I accepted the violence as a part of life and continued to go along my every day activities covering my wounds with the band-aids of good time and a fake smile. I for years felt like my life was in a glass trap. I could see out- but I never could break through the barrier and get out. Like real sores and cuts in life, the best healing is the fresh air. Uncovering a band-aid and letting nature run its course. Finally, I took one hit too many. I saw myself change after a DV attack one night. But, I still ended up eventually choosing another toxic relationship relapsing again into the spirals of another bad domestic violence habits. I thought, like many women, that men were supposed to take control. To be the head. But, never did I realize until I grew from my situations that relationships were meant to be way more than a dominion. That a relationship was about love and not drama if you will- that God really had the marriage covenant for a reason to protect us.
I look back on the past two years of my life and realize that God placed and took out many people to teach me life lessons that I needed to learn in order to reach the summit of my mountain. For years, I clung to a boulder on the side of my mountain after passing through a wilderness of preparation for my change. But, after finally having the faith, friends, and a active support network, I managed to get pass the boulder, climb to the top of my mountain, and now look at the summit. I still have a hard time breathing the fresh air and still have a few hoops to finish going through. But, I can see the finish line of this growing experience and I am happy to say that I am totally not the same person I was two years ago to even two months ago. God is all about timing, despite the obstacles and leaps in life. He always has a message in every situation. With broken ribs and a broken jaw and many painful bruises... I never saw it coming, I never knew I could, some how I managed to jump off the cliff & land on my feet.
-ashleigh
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