You Have an Incoming Call From...

Little side note: Never in my life have I ever called a guy first. Nor, have I ever asked a guy out first. Why? Not because I'm old fashioned, nor is it because I am scared. But, I love control. I also love for someone to chase me. So much so that even after the initial phone chats begin- I typically turn the guy down two to three times prior to the first date - If I am really interested.

Not to brag, but I've gotten many numbers in my lifetime. I do not text first, nor call. I in reply either give my name and say find me... or I give them my number. I simply say. Thanks, here's my number you can call or text me anytime. I simply always leave it at that. If I totally am uninterested, I go by the name Brenda so that they never can find me again.

First of all, my dad taught me that men find it very satisfying to get what they want... If they want you, they will find you. Here's a scenario.. A guy gives you a number at a bar, over facebook, at church... etc. Is he giving you control, or did he just get you to do the heavy lifting? No, what he did was a magic trick... Men for the most part, like to pursue women. They like not knowing if they can catch us. They feel rewarded when they finally do. Especially when the chase is a long one. My belief is that if you are the agressor... He is just not that interested: You, and I by all means are worth asking out.

Unfortunately, most women in the dating world don't have men throwing themselves at them every night of the week.

Here's an even brighter thought: Men know how to use the phone! With the invention of cell phones and speed dialing it is almost impossible not to call someone. Sometimes I call people from my pants when I don't even mean too... The excuse "busy" is another word for "butthole." If I remember correctly I already have one of those and do not need another one. We, ladies deserve a freaking phone call.

Think of it this way. That phone call is the first brick in building a foundation for a relationship based on love and trust. If he can't pick up one stupid brick and start building that foundation. you ain't never gonna have a house...and from what I've learned it's pretty cold outside.

To me, I don't call first because I consider it lazy for a guy not to call you first. And who want's to go out with a lazy guy? It's that simple. I didn't make the rules and I might not even agree with them. I'm not advocating women go back to the Stone Age. I just think we might need to be more realistic in how capable we are of changing the primordial impulses that drive all of human nature.

I do not date LAZY. The end.

Men do not forget how much they like you so put down the phone.

Ladies, you have to have faith. You made an impression. Leave it at that. If he likes you, he'll still remember you after a tsunami, flood, or Red Sox loss. If he doesn't, he's not worth your time. Know why? You are great.

Just a daily thought..

“Loneliness is not a time of abandonment…it just feels that way. It’s actually a time of encounter at new levels with the only One who can fill that empty place in our hearts.”

God longs to fill our hearts with Himself. Yet we often try to fill the desires of our hearts with the things of this world. Yet those attempts to find replacements for God are fleeting and insubstantial, leaving us even lonelier than before.

12 Relationship Truths We often Forget

The following is a Blog post by Mark & Angel Hack Life So in regards to my Post Valentines Day Blues... Hopefully, you will find it of interest.

It’s easy to make your relationships more complicated than they are. Here are twelve simple reminders to help you keep them on course.

1. All successful relationships require some work. – They don’t just happen, or maintain themselves. They exist and thrive when the parties involved take the risk of sharing what it is that’s going on in their minds and hearts. Open communication and honesty is the key. (Read The Road Less Traveled.)
2. Most of the time you get what you put in. – If you want love, give love. If you want friends, be friendly. If you’d like to feel understood, try being more understanding. It’s a simple practice that works.
3. You shouldn’t have to fight for a spot in someone’s life. – Never force someone to make a space in their life for you, because if they know your worth, they will create one for you.
4. There is a purpose for everyone you meet. – Some people will test you, some will use you, and some will teach you; but most importantly some will bring out the best in you. Learn to see and accept the differences between these people, and carry on accordingly.
5. We all change, and that’s okay. – Our needs change with time. When someone says, “You’ve changed,” it’s not always a bad thing. Sometimes itjust means you stopped living your life their way. Don’t apologize for it. Instead, be open and sincere, explain how you feel, and keep doing what you know in your heart is right.
6. You are in full control of your own happiness. – If your relationship with yourself isn’t working, don’t expect your other relationships to be any different. Nobody else in this world can make you happy. It’s something you have to do on your own. And you have to create your own happiness first before you can share it with someone else. If you feel that it’s your partner’s fault, think again, and look within yourself to find out what piece is missing. Your partner can never ‘complete’ you because you are already whole. The longing for completion that you feel inside comes from being out of touch with who you are. (Read Stumbling on Happiness.)
7. Forgiving others helps YOU. – Forgiveness is not saying, “What you did to me is okay.” It is saying, “I’m not going to let what you did to me ruin my happiness forever.” Forgiveness is the answer. It doesn’t mean you’re erasing the past, or forgetting what happened. It means you’re letting go of the resentment and pain, and instead choosing to learn from the incident and move on with your life.
8. You can’t change people; they can only change themselves. – Instead of trying to change others, give them your support and lead by example. If there’s a specific behavior someone you love has that you’re hoping disappears over time, it probably won’t. If you really need them to change something, be honest and put all the cards on the table so this person knows what you need them to do.
9. Heated arguments are a waste of time. – The less time you spend arguing with the people who hurt you, the more time you’ll have to love the people who love you. And if you happen to find yourself arguing with someone you love, don’t let your anger get the best of you. Give yourself some time to calm down and then gently discuss the situation. (Read The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.)
10. You are better off without some people. – When you have to start compromising yourself and your morals for the people around you, it’s probably time to change the people around you. If someone continuously mistreats you or pushes you in the wrong direction, have enough respect for yourself to walk away from them. It may hurt for a little while, but it’ll be ok. You’ll be ok, and far better off in the long run.
11. Small gestures of kindness go a long way. – Honor your important relationships in some way every chance you get. Every day you have the opportunity to make your relationship sweeter and deeper by makingsmall gestures to show your appreciation and affection. Remember, making one person smile can change the world. Maybe not the whole world, but their world. Your kindness and gratitude matters.
12. Even the best relationships don’t last forever. – People don’t live forever. Appreciate what you have, who loves you and who cares for you. You’ll never know how much they mean to you until the day they are no longer beside you. And remember, just because something doesn’t last forever, doesn’t mean it wasn’t worth your while.

Thankful Thursday

What If You Woke Up Today With Only The Things You Thanked God For Yesterday.

My Grandmother- The one woman who has never been anything other than a True Proverbs 31 Woman. My grandmother has a backbone of God and Steel. She loved my Grandfather for fifty something years before she became a widow. She survived and overcame the battle of Breast Cancer twice in her lifetime. She now is mentally suffering with dementia. But, it sure keeps the family laughing even though it is a test of patience. She is beautiful, has more friends than any lady I've ever known and has always kept God number One in her life.

My Daddy- My dad and I have had our countless vein-in-your-forehead-popping-out-arguments. But, In the end we both know its because we are both just a like. Stubborn & Set in our own ways. He's made me mad. I've made him mad. But, it wasn't until the past two years when My dad became one of my best friends. From teaching me to load a shot gun to baiting a hook as a child. My dad taught me many of things, to where to pay your tithes, how a man thinks, & most importantly how to pray. He may not be perfect, but his advice always goes back to the "ya daddy told ya so." He showed me how to get out and stand on my feet & the past two years I have had the bestrelationship with him. From when I was little until now. I know day or night. My daddy will come running fast- packing heat, or with a trunk of packed groceries. I will always be a daddy's little girl.

My mother- Although we disagree on where I should be in life. I will have to say there are sometimes I know I have no one else to call or text and say Mom, I need someone to talk to... and I just know that she's my prayer warrior. She is a woman of God and I am forever thankful to come from Mother that is rooted in God's word.

My Aunt Cindy and Uncle JW- I have always been my Aunt's favorite since I was small. This woman taught me to shop, to love, and to buck up. She's been there when I needed to know that I was a woman of worth. She was there to tell me that it would be hard, lonely, but worth while. She was there to tell me when I needed to be reminded as to what My Grandy would do in a situation with a bad man. My back bone is made strictly of my "Matson Blood" I'm mean because My Grandy was mean. But, like a lady I was taught by her that you only need to stand up when you need to stand. But, you never let a man tell you to sit. haha! She brings care packages when I need them and text when she knows I need an ear. I don't know where I'd be without you and your blunt loving advice!

My Dog Maggie- Maggie was a Shelter pup that I picked up when I was laid off from work and going through the hardest time in my life. I was heartbroken and unemployed. Maggie knew why she was in my life from day one. Day's where I didn't get out of bed, eat, and just cry turned into days getting up to take her out. She was the Step to getting back up and hitting back the ladder in my life. She helped me get up and enjoy the outdoors. When I didn't wanna do anything but sleep and cry she would bury her head in my shoulder and just sleep with me. Her therapeutic way helped me cope. After someone giving her antifreeze this past Summer. I turned into her ladder. She didn't let me give up and I didn't let her. We've been through hell and back together. Without her. I know I'd given up.

Katey Martin- I don't know what I would have done in many of my Life's curve balls without you by my side. Even when we go without talking from time to time. Your still my go to girl and we pick up right where we left off. Thank You for everything you've ever done for me or said to make my hard times better. You truly are My Best Friend & I am so Thankful for you!

Jeanie Ogle- My number one positive influential friend. As a Wife, a Youth Leader's Wife, A director in direct sales, An MBA job title, Antique loving, dog compassionate, 9 to 5 Xray Technician, and a Alabama Teen Challenge passionate lady. I have never met someone who is so positive and well put together. The Many Dr. Pepper Can's and Front Porch therapy sessions we have had on Milton Avenue have done me more help and good than you will ever know! God uses you my friend in so many ways!

Brooke, Carey, & Kirstin- I met you all nearly two years ago in Vancouver, Washington & the moment we sat at out "Southern table" we four became best friends and soul mates. Each of us were going through a change in our lives or about to endure a hard ship that each of us couldn't have gone through without encountering a few strangers on the West coast that week in August. I know each of you have given me advice that I couldn't have ever received from anyone else. Although, we are in different states, I am thankful that our clique has remained to be very close. Each of you are beautiful women. I thank God for each of you on a daily basis. Single. Married. Mothers. Or whatever You will always be my go to girls for a fun night out or a shoulder to cry on. Whether it's Kirstin's dry to the point advice to Brooke's wild nights at Fado and relationship advice over mimosa's on a Sunday. Or Carey's Been there done that shoulder to cry on and bed to lay in on a Sunday and watch tv. Each of you hold a special memory, and special place in my heart.

Alison Sorely- Whether it's a midnight chair on the streets of downtown Sylacauga, dancing to jute box tunes, a Road trip to Atlanta, or Walking the Streets of College Station Mall in Texas. You have been a soul mate type friendship. I am thankful for our late night texts, your kicking butt skills in Words With Friends, our conversations about men, God, clothing, fashion, weddings, and life have helped me so much! I am thankful for you in so many ways.

Kayla- Although we have a don't talk for awhile but pick up right where we left off friendship. I am so thankful for you! If it's tears on my couch in the middle of the day, or advice over our what's suppose to be a monthly date to Sips & Strokes, Or that gym membership we never worked out with. You are one of the strongest women I've ever met. You are the most beautiful put together person I've ever met. & I am so thankful for you!

Angela & Tammy- Both of you have meant so much to me over the past six years. I look up to you in many ways. From Charge Nurses, to "moms", and my best friends. You both are strong women and I don't know what I'd do without you both!

Be thankful.

-ashleigh

“People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave. A soul mates purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life..."

― Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love

And although we adore men individually, we agree that as a group they're rather stupid

-Marry poppins

The Box

Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. once said, “If you lose hope, somehow you lose the vitality that keeps life moving, you lose that courage to be, that quality that helps you go on in spite of it all. And so today I still have a dream.” The weather lately in Alabama has seemed to perfectly match my life lately. It’d been raining a slow drizzle that caused everything to appear a dreary gray. I’d been in a reflective mood on a particular day last week as I began to think about the box’s I will be checking off as I got another year older. As women we have those boxes… the close to thirty box, the thirty box, and the over thirty-five box. Here I am about to check my very first box as I realize I am getting older. With a mixture of sadness and dread, now fully realizing the implications of my first box I cried the first day.

Why did that box feel like the end of the world? What gives one small square so much power over a woman’s emotional state? For me, it’s more than a mere box it’s a category that seems to scream, “You are getting closer thirty, and you are nowhere near where you thought you would be at your age!” I realize that most people refer to me as “still young” but I will say that makes me cringe because I had a game plan.

We all have “that box” that inflicts pain. What does yours say?

• Overweight
• Unemployed
• Single
• Infertile
• Divorced
• Failed
• Disabled
• Pregnant
• Widow
• Terminal

Let's admit it girls- We all have our version of "the List". You know the handful of goals we'd like to have accomplished by a certain age. Those career goals, relationship goals, life long dreams. Let's just simply fact it we have all at some point as a female made a list or a "What I want Accomplished By..."

Number 1: Sixteen- Freedom!! I will finally be able to drive. A brand new car of course, hopefully my parents will give me a great late curfew and I can finally DRIVE! Look out Sylacauga! (The name of my small town.)

Number 2: Graduation. Freedom. I will finally be free!! No more mean girls, no more drama, no more acne, bad hair days, no more parents. Wrong. I lived with my parents as I went to a community college for an additional two years and still had drama (guy drama) and bad hair days.

Number 3: College. Metamorphosis of the most beautiful woman. Hello? Have you ever seen an ugly sorority girl? I'll graduate on the Dean's List. Get a scholarship and graduate with a degree. Move out of Sylacauga and live on my own. Wrong. I got the Dean's List and the scholarships. But, no sororities take place at a community college and it took me two degree changes to figure out what I wanted to do finally.

Number 4: After Graduation I will land a killer job and work on my fabulous career. While in College I will meet the love of my life. However, I will break his heart because I will have to say, " I really just want to work on my career right now, i can't even think of marriage until I'm atleast twenty-seven." We break up, and the poor chap's heart is broken.

Number 5: I meet Mr. Right. I wasn't looking of course. Actually I was running from all of my eligible pursuers. But, well, one evening at a charity gala, the host of the event asked me to dance. Cinderella would be so proud. The evening was magical. He is handsome but not pretty. Successful and wealthy but not spoiled. He pursues, I was torn with the thought of giving up the career I'd worked so hard for but...

Number 6: The ring! Finally! Envy from all my friends but meaningful to me because well, I designed it. The blushing bride is at bittersweet moment, again because I am having to give up my hard earned career... because I have to plan a wedding of course!

Number 7: After the wedding of my dreams, we want to take time for just "us," so we travel... a lot. I'm sadly unable to return to work as I am spending time decorating our new harm, where before the ripe old age of thirty I am blessed with two beautiful children, a boy and a girl, respectively. Oh, and don't worry. Though I am a wife and a mother, I still take time for my girlfriends (you know, the lifelong friends I made in college). For my thirtieth birthday he sends us to a tropical location. He flies us all there where we relax and reminisce about our lives, loves, and our Lists, and how very complete they are.

That's my List.

But, here's the thing:Life has never went according to plan Ashleigh. Well, to be fair, some of the things did happen. I do in fact have my drivers license. And, yes, I do have several diplomas hanging in my office, and I do have a very fabulous corporate job, but the rest of my List remains unchecked.

Confession time. I am a single girl about to turn her self-imposed marriage deadline of twenty-four. And that my friend brings me to the big-fat-ugly-birthday I am hoping to ignore. and the List. Well this sucker has been tormenting me for weeks preceding this upcoming Wednesday.

Ecclesiastes 3 A Time for Everything

¹ There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens:² a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, ³ a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, ⁴ a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, ⁵ a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing, ⁶ a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, ⁷ a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, ⁸ a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace.

Okay, so I'm not a total nitwit. I understand the message and how it applied to my particular pity party... singleness is a season. There is a time for everything... blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Its not like there aren't four zillion books out there for single women saying all the same thing. So naturally my response to this verse is, Lord, I know, but how do I make this season beautiful? Because if I'm going to be honest with you, the way I'm going right now is not so pretty. I need some serious help. You know... the supernatural-part the waters, flood the ravens-kind of help. And in that emotional state of disappointment mingled with desire I heard the Lord's response to my question. He said, Ashleigh, you need to exchange your List for My List.

Exchange my List? But, we've been together for so long. What could this mean? You see as I drove to work this morning, I began to understand more and more what the Lord meant by this exchange. My eyes were open to see that my List was simply worldly possessions, accomplishments, and goals I hoped and believed would bring joy and happiness to my life. But, as I began to look around I realized that there are millions of women out there with their own List. Their own boxes-I noticed the amazing truth that they really weren't happy or content either. You can be happy and miserable. You can climb a corporate ladder and feel nothing but despair at the top. You can have the American dream and feel like your living a nightmare. The secret to joy in any season of life is exchanging our List for his List

Married or Single.

College Student or Senior Citizen.

Mommy or CEO

Bridesmaid or Bride.

Any box we check or the list we make, the only way to discover joy is for us to be willing to make the exchange.

“Single life may be only a stage of life’s journey, but even a stage is a gift…this gift for this day. The life of faith is lived one day at a time, and it has to be lived - not always looked forward to as through the “real” living were around the next corner. it is today for which we are responsible. God still owns tomorrow.”

—	Elisabeth Elliot “In the Shadow of the Almighty” -ashleigh

Leap Year Tradition

I just heard about this today. On Leap Years it is tradition on February 29th for a woman to ask a man to be married. If he declines he has to give her a silk dress and silk gloves. hmmm...