Sex, Marriage, & Fairytales || Spoken Word

xo-ashleigh

Grandmothers Advice.

There's no doubt about it-breakups suck. But in the first few hours or days or weeks that follow, there's one important truth you need to recognize: Some things can't and shouldn't be fixed, especially that loser who dumped you or forced you to dump him. It's over for a reason, and deep down inside you probably know what that reason is.

At the end of the day, it's about weather YOU like yourself enough to face the reality that your romance wasn't working.. to recognize that it wasn't giving you what you needed and deserved

Life's biggest rewards come from the biggest challenges.

Anyone who assesses you or your relationship as "disposable" is not worthy of your time or tears.

Just remember, though, that any reasons you come up with are ultimately irrelevant. The harsh reality is that even if you have EVERYTHING else in common, the one thing you don't have in common is the belief that this relationship can work. & that alone trumps your shared love of puppies, The Dave Matthews Band, and Mexican food.

A lot of the pain you are experiencing right now is actually fear. Fear of things being different then how you liked them, fear of never finding love again, fear of being alone, fear of having to fill your time differently. We're afraid of the unknown.

The person you loved took a good long look at the awesomeness that is you, evaluated your relationship together, and said, "No, thanks. I'll try my luck elsewhere." Or you said it to him. Either way, that alone should make you realize that it wasn't a match made in heaven

"I don't know" means "NO!"
"I don't know" means "I'm too cowardly to tell you the truth because I can't deal with confrontation."
"I don't know" means please do the dirty work for me because I don't want to hurt your feelings even more then I already have.

Awesome thought: The annoying thing that your ex did will never bother you again. I'm sure that your plan to get him back worked out in your head. I'm even sure that it worked out in some movie you saw. But your ex does not have the time to follow a movie script and you shouldn't either. Move on.

Every moment of pain, weakness, and discomfort puts you in a position to choose how you will react and how you will alleviate your condition. Calling him doesn't make it better.. it only pulls you back into the cycle of heartbreak.
He is the past. You are the future.

Messing up his life isn't the best revenge. It's getting on with yours and living it to the fullest.

One of the suckiest and most frustrating facts of life is that sometimes rela­tionships just end, often without reason. I truly believe that some­times both men and women simply run out of love, even when there was a lot of it in the beginning.

Before you look for validation in others, try and find it in yourself.

As much as it sucks, you need to FORCE yourself to remember your very worst times together, ..his most irritating habits and the hard truth that not only can he live without you.. but he'd rather.

You're giving an okay guy who cheats on his girlfriend a hell of a lot more credit then he deserves. He's a coward and a betrayer of not one but TWO women. He clearly feels ambivalent about you at best.. otherwise, he would have left this other woman a long time ago.

So many of us find ourselves saying "BUT HE WAS SO GREAT!" Yes, and the people who got on the Titanic thought they were going on vacation. Things changed and it's important to remember that they did.

Awesome thought: The right guy is out there right now, wondering when he's going meet someone just like you.

His regrets or lack thereof are exactly that- his . and not even the best little black cocktail dress can change that.

Every time you see him, you only make yourself vulnerable to further heartache. Do you really need further proof that he's getting on with his life without you?

The one who dumped you has had a huge head start on the healing. However long he entertained ending the relationship is also how long he's been emotionally extracting himself from you.

He was either partially or totally over it before you even knew it was going down

You weren't in the same relationship. That should answer ALL your questions.

You can love your friends.. ..you can love your family ... you can even love every stray dog or stray drummer that crosses your path. HOWEVER, you have to learn how to love yourself, like yourself, and put yourself first before you will ever find the healthy, loving, and lasting relationship that you've been looking for.

xo-ashleigh

A Woman Should...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE

...one old love she can imagine going back to... and one who reminds her how far she has come...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE

...enough money within her control to move out and rent a place of her own even if she never wants to or needs to...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE

.. something perfect to wear if the employer or date of her dreams wants to see her in an hour...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE

.. a youth she's content to leave behind...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE

...a past juicy enough that she's looking forward to retelling it in her old age....

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE

...a set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE

..one friend who always makes her laugh ... and one who lets her cry...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE

...a good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in her family...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE

...eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems, and a recipe for a meal that will make her guests feel honored.

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE

...a feeling of control over her destiny...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...

....how to fall in love without losing herself...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...

..how to quit a job, break up with a lover, and confront a friend without ruining the friendship...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...

...when to try harder ... and when to walk away...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...

....that she can't change the length of her calves, the width of her hips, or the nature of her

parents...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...

...that her childhood may not have been perfect...but its over...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...

...what she would and wouldn't do for love or more...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...

..how to live alone... even if she doesn't like it...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...

...whom she can trust, whom she can't, and why she shouldn't take it personally...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...

...where to go... be it to her best friend's kitchen table... or a charming inn in the woods... when her soul needs soothing...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...

.. what she can and can't accomplish in a day... a month...and a year...

-ashleigh

Landing on My Feet

When a person hears the word cancer many thoughts instantly come to mind. If diagnosed with the illness, usually the first response is fight or flight mode. When our natural fight or flight response is activated, sequences of nerve cell firing occur and chemicals like adrenaline, noradrenaline and cortisol are released into our bloodstream. These patterns of nerve cell firing and chemical release cause our body to undergo a series of very dramatic changes. Our respiratory rate increases. Blood is shunted away from our digestive tract and directed into our muscles and limbs, which require extra energy and fuel for running and fighting. Our pupils dilate. Our awareness intensifies. Our sight sharpens. Our impulses quicken. Our perception of pain diminishes. Our immune system mobilizes with increased activation. We become prepared—physically and psychologically—for fight or flight.

We scan and search our environment, "looking for the enemy." Our fight or flight response is designed to protect us from the proverbial saber tooth tigers that once lurked in the woods and fields around us, threatening our physical survival. At times when our actual physical survival is threatened, there is no greater response to have on our side. When activated, the fight or flight response causes a surge of adrenaline and other stress hormones to pump through our body. This surge is the force responsible for mothers lifting cars off their trapped children and for firemen heroically running into blazing houses to save endangered victims. The surge of adrenaline imbues us with heroism and courage at times when we are called upon to protect and defend the lives and values we cherish. When our personal saber tooth tigers come lurking out of the woods, disguised in many different mask. We automatically go into the mode of either we are going to fight making us a survivor or flee and act like we never saw the monster.

When we flee, we can run for years and never realize how far we have ran. We may see our saber tooth tigers repeatedly throughout our race- but one things for sure we always have the perceived saber tooth in the back of our heads haunting us. Our Saber tooth tigers as a female can be masked in a stressful day at work, being diagnosed with cancer or other illnesses, a traffic incident, and then there is the one eyed one horn domestic violence. However, just like a person on a death bead in the end stages of life, we shut down. We become hopeless, helpless, and we can't see our way out. Therefore, we just lay there and sulk becoming defeated.

If I could relate anything to domestic violence I would relate it to being diagnosed with cancer. Not everyone is effected by it and not everyone is diagnosed with it. But, the reality is statistics are both extremely high. In America, when someone is diagnosed with cancer that is unrelated, many of our responses are calloused. We say our "oohs and ah's and Bless his/her hearts" and go on about our day because we selfishly were not affected by the tragedy. Just like calloused hands of an old mill worker, eventually blisters will not affect him as he works because the callous has hardened his hands. As American's we have the highest rates of domestic violence, but how many people knew that? Did you know that, every nine seconds, a woman is battered by in the United States by her husband, boyfriend, or live-in partner? Or that, approximately 8.8 million children witness domestic violence each year. Of men who abuse women, 40-60% abuse children as well. Nearly one in five teenage girls report that a boyfriend threatened violence or self-harm when presented with a breakup. 1 in 3 teenagers report knowing a friend or peer who has been hit, punched, kicked, slapped, choked or physically hurt by their partner.

We as American's perceive Domestic Violence as a personal rather a social problem. Which I believe is just simply another characteristic of a selfish society. The truth is, until your affected by it- you don't really care. You may offer you condolences and "I'm here if you need me's," but do we really try to stop it? Domestic Violence is a broad scope of verbal and physical abuse. If you are affected. You either decide to become a statistic and automatically go into the American label of "battered women" or you take action just like you would if you were diagnosed with a deadly disease and become a survivor.

That label is something I never thought I'd wear. I wore the label and wore it out. For years, I was a victim. I instinctively without realizing chose toxic relationships. I didn't take action. I accepted the violence as a part of life and continued to go along my every day activities covering my wounds with the band-aids of good time and a fake smile. I for years felt like my life was in a glass trap. I could see out- but I never could break through the barrier and get out. Like real sores and cuts in life, the best healing is the fresh air. Uncovering a band-aid and letting nature run its course. Finally, I took one hit too many. I saw myself change after a DV attack one night. But, I still ended up eventually choosing another toxic relationship relapsing again into the spirals of another bad domestic violence habits. I thought, like many women, that men were supposed to take control. To be the head. But, never did I realize until I grew from my situations that relationships were meant to be way more than a dominion. That a relationship was about love and not drama if you will- that God really had the marriage covenant for a reason to protect us.

I look back on the past two years of my life and realize that God placed and took out many people to teach me life lessons that I needed to learn in order to reach the summit of my mountain. For years, I clung to a boulder on the side of my mountain after passing through a wilderness of preparation for my change. But, after finally having the faith, friends, and a active support network, I managed to get pass the boulder, climb to the top of my mountain, and now look at the summit. I still have a hard time breathing the fresh air and still have a few hoops to finish going through. But, I can see the finish line of this growing experience and I am happy to say that I am totally not the same person I was two years ago to even two months ago. God is all about timing, despite the obstacles and leaps in life. He always has a message in every situation. With broken ribs and a broken jaw and many painful bruises... I never saw it coming, I never knew I could, some how I managed to jump off the cliff & land on my feet.

-ashleigh