Don't Miss The Wild

One time in my life have I ever had the opportunity to rock climb. I'm not a fan of climbing rocks by no means. One, its a terrible callous cause to a girls hands. Two, I DO NOT LIKE HEIGHTS ( I can not even dive off of a diving board without getting the phobia sweats and anxiety). However, this was on my bucket list of things to do. Needless to say, my rock wasn't very large in reality ( to most people) it was after all at Mt. Cheaha. However, to me it was a massive rock face that I found myself clinging to for dear life. I would have described it as "menacing," "foreboding," or "fearful." It was a mass of ugly boulders, dark and grey, to me it pierced the sky very Lord of the Rings. Once I started I really wanted to crawl back down, to forgo the thrill of seeing the view from summit for just a taste of the familiar- the solid, flat ground I like to call "safety." But, looking back down the rock I didn't get the sense of security I desired. No, craning in my neck around while still tightly gripping my new best friend, I attempted to look back down the boulder to escape my route. I was borderline "crazy place."

Then I remember hearing a voice of an older woman who was also climbing say: "Keep moving. Don't give up. Take one more step. Place your foot to the left. Lean your weight against the boulder and pull yourself up." Backpacking with a few of my good friends was supposed to be fun: sleeping outdoors, gathering firewood, finding water, building shelter. You know going granola. Speaking of granola, I'm sure this goes without saying that I'm not what you call a tree hugging nature girl. Now, don't get me wrong I love to fish, hike, really do anything outdoors in general. As long as my expeditions end each night with a hot shower and a soft bed, I'm all good. I'm just saying-visiting nature is fine, but "becoming one with nature" is an altogether different thing.

And at this point in the journey, I am so "one with nature" it is pathetic. It would be hard to discern where the "mountain" ended and my body began.. we were "close,"if you know what I mean. As I huddled next to the wall, I reflected on the fact that in no point in this trip was supposed to be in danger. The older lady continued to encourage me saying that I was only experiencing what wilderness experts called "perceived fear versus actual fear." She assured me that this was a case of perceived fear. I was actually safe. I was in a good place. I would make it to the summit.

Still clinging to my rock, I thought to myself, this fear seems pretty "actual" to me. I mulled over her advice and reasoned it must be true. You see my new "guide" knew her wilderness. After all, she looked to be in her sixties and was out climbing big rocks for an extra curricular. She was experienced, knowledgeable, and well trained (obviously). She explained to me that she lived for months on end in the wild and hiked mountains across the globe. Needless to say, I felt I could trust her.

Yet I didn't budge. I was torn. Gripping my rock, I decided not to go up and not to go down. I would just wait. Perhaps in some miracle of miracles, a trail would materialize- kinda like Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade when the bridge appears and Harrison Ford makes it safely across the chasm. Perhaps a nice handrail or a gondola would appear if I waited long enough.

Waiting. Waiting. Waiting.

Alas, no magical ski lift emerged to rescue me.

Honestly, at first the only thing that tempted me to continue my climb was my stinking pride. My pride really didn't want the humiliation of scooting down the mountain on my bootie; but then again, to go forward in to the cloud-into the scary unknown- was a little too much for a girl afraid of heights.

I began to pray. "Lord I know you are calling me to climb, but I am afraid. Help me reach the summit. Everything in me wants to turn back to camp, pack my backpack, and hike back to the car, (head to a Hilton), but You know I have a purpose in this journey. Help me." And then, I heard the familiar words, "Walk by Faith not by sight."

With that, I released my death grip on the boulder and took the proverbial "step of faith." And then another, and then another, until I found myself at the summit. The only word to describe that moment was, yes, you guessed it, joy. Now, with clear vision, I could see in the distance magnificent mountain peaks and valleys, and endless green trees- the view was breathtaking beautiful..

Like my current season, in the wilderness I faced difficulties, terrifying terrain, and moments of despair and desperation, but the ascent to the summit proved my training ground- for facing fear I found muscles of faith.

Sometimes walking with Jesus means our vision is obscured by clouds, and at times we face obstacles that evoke much fear that we would rather forsake the journey than keep going. And yes, following Jesus means we trust His voice even when we can't see His face. But isn't that the thrill of adventure?

During the months of heartbreak, confusion, and unemployment, I sensed God speaking one message to me over and over again: "Don't miss the wild for the wilderness." What did that mean? Finally, I figured it out this meant I should open my eyes of faith and see the powerful hand of God moving. This phrase reminded me to not loose sight of the incredible plan of God in the midst of the wilderness-even if my perspective was temporarily clouded.

In case you haven't figured it out yet, we serve a wild God who isn't predictable and who isn't at all tame. Much like his creation, He is gloriously wild. But isn't it His untamable goodness that makes Him so glorious?

Reflecting over the heartache, disappointment, and misery of my wilderness season, I can honestly say it was all worth it. For there, I experienced the wild adventure of trusting God. Girlfriends, I am so grateful that God is God, and I am not. I'm so thankful that God said no to my plan because He had a far greater adventure in mind. But most of all, my heart rejoices that God didn't leave me stuck in my fear and despair, clinging to a boulder on the side of a mountain. Instead, He has called me to rise and move- for the summit was too good to miss.

When a girl trust Jesus, the real Wilderness Guide, she places her faith in the One who knows His way through the wild frontier and is familiar with her sufferings. I can tell you this much: if you choose to trust Him, your life will not be boring, and it very well may not be safe, but I know for a fact that it will be a wild adventure. So my final advice or should I say my skill: don't you dare miss the wild for the wilderness.

Don't eat the Red Berries

There is something interesting about the definition of bitter.

Bit-ter- Adjective: having a harsh, disagreeably acrid taste, causing pain;piercing; stinging, a bitter chill, Characterized by intense antagonism or hostility: bitter hatred, hard to admit or accept: a bitter lesson, resentful or cynical:bitter words.

As this word has seemed to be popping up everywhere lately like pop corn I decided to look it up. Notice that the origin of the word is bitter is "bite." If you've ever been bitten- be by a dog, a spider, or a four-year-old-- you know that the bite inflicts pain. A wound results, and if it is not taken care of, it can become infected-poisonous to the body. Likewise, if we don't take care of our emotional "wounds," our souls become infected with poison.

Are you like me and in a wilderness season as a result of a painful event? a breakup? a rejection? an accusation? or just plain dissapointment? If so, there is a wound inside of you that we must deal with or it will turn to bitterness. I have great news, Jesus is the great Physician, and he longs to heal our hurts and bandage our wounds. Isaiah 61:1, a prophetic passage about Christ, descibed His life and ministry by saying that He will "Bind up the brokenhearted." The word bind in the original language literally means "to bandage, to cover, to enclose, to envelope."

When I was a little girl my family would go camping all the time. I practically grew up in Alabama state parks. Along the banks of Lake Martin would grow some of the biggest black berries. I remember sitting on the bank waiting for my dad to come in from his daily fishing trip and eating those black berries. I remember later on going over to my aunts house and I had hand picked some delicious looking red berries. (thinking there were the same thing) Little did I discover they were not the same thing. I remember walking over to a swing where my mother was sitting with a hand full of the fresh picked red berries and showing her as I was about to pop some in my mouth. She went into a panic, " Don't eat those red berries! They are poison!" As she slapped them out of my hand, and examined my mouth making sure I'd not been eating them. She told me again, that this isn't the kind you eat, these will kill you. To this day when I see red berries I always get a little nervous and ask myself are those poisonous?

In a wilderness season, women who are hurting, alone, afraid, and hungry for relief face a huge temptation to feed their souls with something that will actually harm them- I call it good ole' red berry bitterness. Believe it or not some people choose to bitterness. Whenever a person lives feeling entitled to her anger and justified in her resentment, she chooses to allow a bitter poison to brew in her heart. The poison slowly destroys her from inside out.

The Bible actually warns us about bitterness: "See to it that no one comes short of the grace of God; that no root of bitterness springing up causes trouble, and by it many be defiled. (Hebrews 12:15) God tells us in scripture that a root of bitterness causes trouble and defiles many. Imagine that a person's life is like a fruit tree. A tree contains a root system that digs into the ground. Roots provide life and nourishment for the tree. Fruit grows simply as the outward manifestation of the root. Now, if the root of a tree is bitter, what will the fruit of that tree taste like?

You know and I understand the temptation to eat the red berry of bitterness. It appears oh so yummy. But, bitterness is so deadly to a woman's soul. Believe me, I know that when you're in the wilderness and hungry for some pain relief that berry looks so enticing. Yet resentment, anger, unforgiveness, and hatred will flat-out poison a girl.

"Are you bitter?" Seriously, I almost choked on sweet tea when I heard the question. Clearly, this guy didn't get the "what not to ask in a first conversation" memo. The question startled me. I looked at him-more than a little perplexed-and thought to myself, First of all how does he know? Then I thought, is he really asking me about my last relationship on a kinda flirtacious conversation? Once I got over the shock of his forthrightness, I thought about it his question and answered, "Am I bitter? No, I'm better..."

Now that all the maybe this could lead to a date conversation etiquette was out the window, and since it was obviously no secret that I have been walking through a toturous season, I decided to elaborate a little more on my answer and I said, "I'm a better person because of this experience, for.. through the pain I learned compassion, through the doubts I learned to trust, throught the feal I learned faith, through the rejection I see God's amazing hand of protection, and through the darkness I saw the light." He didn't say much more after that I suppose I was guilty of TMI -too much information- but, you know what, it was really good to hear myself say those words out loud. Yep, you guessed it, there wasn't a date (we haven't spoken since). But trust me... I'm not bitter.

Polar Bear Attacks & Left Handed Shame

I hate Valentines day.. I'm not really sure if I think its just one of those really horrible hallmark holidays only created to boost the economy. Or if it's because I think red and pink totally clash, or maybe its that I've only had a Valentine three of my twent-three years of living. But regardless if its because I'm single or in a relationship- I hate it. For most reasons, I think I should be loved and shown affection on a daily basis rather than February 14th like the rest of the world. However, I am realizing that there are simply no men (single) that are out there to worship the ground I walk on. Needless to say, this Valentines day I am celebrating my singles awareness.

After just turning 23 on the 8th, I'm starting to realize that it is time to start thinking about marriage.. No, I'm not one of those girls who has always dreamed of getting married. I spent my childhood peeing in the live wells of my dad's bass boat, rather dressing up Barbie in a white gown with Ken and walking them down the isle of the imagination of "Happily Ever After." I did, however, dream (to this day) of being a mother. I really believe I was created to be a mother... So in order to be a mother, I guess somewhere I have to meet a good guy to marry and be the father of my children... However, the closer to thirty I get -seven years I might add- I am starting to realize the myth-- something like polar bear attacks or lightening striking being more likely than marriage? What a cruel myth! (Please, tell me this is a myth, right?)

To desire is to long for something. To hope, dream, or yearn. A wilderness of unmet desire is waiting for that hope to become reality. It is this postponement of a longing of your soul. The feeling that your life is standing still while others appear to be moving at high speed. A woman in this wilderness may ask herself, "Did God push 'pause' on my life and forget to inform me?"

I've been asking myself a hard question lately. "What are you waiting for?"Mr. Right? You, however, may be the woman who is waiting for God to change your Mr. Right. My unmet desire is simply to feel loved. Maybe you are like one of my best friends who is longing for children. Or, you may be the mother who is waiting for God to change the child you already have?

An unmet desire can be financial, relational, or physical. What is the unmet desire of your heart? What is the secret longing that keeps you asking God the question, When?

My desire is children, but with no prospect of a husband on the horizon, for that desire, I must wait. Meanwhile most of my friends are now married and raising kids, and it seems God remembered them but for some reason He's forgot me. When having a family is the biggest desire of your heart, then it does seem like you are "waiting for life to begin" if that dream is not yet reality.

So.. What's a girl to do? When in the wilderness of unmet desire, what is the right way to wait so that we don't fall into the dangers of envy, manipulation, and worry? If there is any person in the scripture who knows a thing or two about waiting, it is King David. As a teenager, David received a promise that he would be the next king over Israel. But it would be nearly two decades before that promise was fulfilled. Did God lie? Did God forget? No! God had a definite purpose in the wait. Throughout the Psalms (most of which were written by David), he teaches of some incredible truths about waiting in the wilderness of unmet desire.

When David was a young man, God sent the prophet Samuel to his father's house to choose David out of all of his brother to be the future king of Israel. God described him as "a man after his own heart" (1 Sam. 13:14). What a bright future laying ahead of this young man! He was the chosen one. David loved the Lord, and he deeply desired to fulfill his calling to be king. Yet, it was twenty years before David's desire and God's promise was fulfilled. Like you and I, David entered a wilderness- a wilderness of unmet desire. In this wilderness, he, too, faced the same dangers of envy, manipulation, and worry.

Yet through David's experience we learn a powerful lesson about waiting. Come with me into the wilderness region of Israel where David is hiding out... literally. It is in these wilds we see David face the giants of envy, manipulation, and worry, which he is no longer able to slay with a mere pebble and slingshot.

David was a wanted man with a high price on his head. So, how did David find himself in this situation? I'm sure if you were to have asked him, he would have said, "well, certainly not hiding in a cave, hunted like an animal while I wait for God to remove Saul, the current king of Israel, that's for sure. This wilderness thing was sure not MY plan." Looking at David's story we learn our first lesson for the wilderness of waiting. Here's how it's told in scripture: "David left Gath and took refuge in the cave of Adullam. When David's brothers and his father's whole family heard, they went down and joined him there. In addition, every man who was desperate, in debt, or discontented rallied around him, and he became their leader. About 400 men were with him" (1 Sam 22:1-2). So we see that King Saul pursued David throughout Israel. David fled into the wilderness because Saul, in a jealous rage, decided to kill him. David hid and waited in a cave in the wilderness. Meanwhile hundreds joined him there... and they, too, waited on God to change the situation in the land. The first lesson we learn from David is this: we are not alone. Those people with him in that cave were waiting just like he was.

As girls we are so guilty of comparison - of looking at other people's lives and thinking that they have it "perfect" or "easy." When we choose to compare, our thoughts lead us to host our very own pity party. Like David, we are not alone. The question is not if we are waiting but how we are waiting. Most people have unmet desires. When we forget this truth, we tend to feel sorry for ourselves and send out our invites to our pity party. And do we ever help in planning the party? Satan loves to throw this shindig... it is his specialty. He knows that if he can get us to wallow in self-pity, then he can do great damage to our faith. He begins with his subtle accusations and then increases his attack by glamorizing the lives of everyone else.

Everyone else has it easy.

Your friend doesn't have to wait.

You are the only one living with unmet desire.

Poor you.

Please recognize his motive: not only does Satan seek to undermine a woman's faith and trust in God, but he also desires to plant sees of jealousy within a woman's heart that will grow into hate and bitterness toward God and others.

I kept my left hand in my lap all night. Not out of polite social etiquette that says keeping one's left hand daintily on your napkin while dining is proper. No, my left hand remained in my lap simply because I didn't want to feel..... how should I say... left out. You see, mine was the only left hand at this dinner party for fourteen women that was missing a wedding ring. I really felt sorry for my left hand. I didn't realize it was the odd one at first but after hearing the conversation to my left that was about breast pumps and the conversation to my right that was about which neighborhood afforded the better school district, it dawned on me: I am now the single woman in a married woman's world. When did this happen?

Freeze. This is the makings of a pity party. Ingredients one single woman reeling from a breakup and thirteen married women, and you've got yourself one fine fiesta! Thankfully this birthday party didn't end up in a pity party. Instead, this night provided me with one powerful truth: I am not alone in the wait.As I tuned out the whispers of the enemy and stopped thinking about myself for half a second, I listened to the women around me, and I realized something: each woman had an unmet desire in her heart, I was not alone.

One woman mentioned feeling alone at home with her kids and longed for genuine friendship again. Another was waiting to lose the "baby fat" she had put on and was beginning to lose hope that it would ever change. Others were married but still waiting for God to provide them with children. On girlfriend desired to be reconciled with a family member. Truth is, everyone has "their thing." Not that I desire others to be miserable, that isn't what I'm saying, but having company during the waiting takes the edge off of the awkward feeling of "It's just me out here in these crazy woods."

It's so easy to get wound up in the "what ifs" of the future. When we let ourselves go there and dwell in worry, life becomes miserable. I truly believe the lesson of Psalm 37 is this: chill out. When we start believing God does care about our hearts and He still knows how to run the universe, then we can stop our fretting and rest. I know I, too, will have a "Happily Ever After" because my heavenly Father sits on His chair- which just happens to be His throne in heaven.

Wilderness.. Woman vs. Wild

wil·der·ness (wldr-ns)
n.1. An unsettled, uncultivated region left in its natural condition, especially:
a. A large wild tract of land covered with dense vegetation or forests.
b. An extensive area, such as a desert or ocean, that is barren or empty; a waste.
c. A piece of land set aside to grow wild.
2. Something characterized by bewildering vastness, perilousness, or unchecked profusion

Jesus was taken into the wild by the Spirit for the Test. -Matthew 4:1

The List goes on. While I am waiting for my heart to heal from a horrible breakup. I am also waiting and waiting for a job offer during a long season of unemployment, I keep finding closed doors at every turn.. To describe the months that I am undergoing, a "wilderness" is putting it mildly. In this time of intense pain and spiritual confusion. I find myself turning to the guidebook for wilderness survival, the Bible, and discovered a life-changing truth.

Joseph... Joseph was dumped into a pit in the middle of a wilderness. This is truly a wilderness of rejection if there has ever been one. His own family-flesh and blood-have rejected, forsaken, and abandoned him. This is putting it mildy, they despised him so much they wanted him dead... I wonder what Joseph was thinking as he was hoisted over their shoulders and thrown into the bottom of the pit. Did he hope it was a prank and that it would end soon? Did he scream for release? Or did he sulk and suffer his shame and humiliation in silence? Did he cry, or did his pride step in and deny his brothers the pleasure of his tears? Did he threaten to tell their father? Did he pray? Did Joseph ask God, "why is this happening to me?" The bible tells us that once the caravan arrives in Egypt Joseph's brothers sell him to a man name Potipher who is one of pharoh's officials. Here in Potipher's house Joseph's character shines brightly for all to see, and the plan of God in this wilderness experience begins to be revealed: "As it turned out, God was with Joseph and things went very well with him. He ended up living in the home of his Egyptian master. His master recognized that God was with him, saw that God was working for good in everything he did. He became very fond of Joseph and made him his personal aide. He put him in charge of all his personal affairs, turning everything over to him." (Gen. 39:2-4)

God was with Joseph. Often in the wilderness of rejection we are tempted to believe the lie that God has rejected us too. He Hasn't. If you are a child of God, His love is always for you and He says: I have chosen you and have not rejected you. So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. (Isaiah 41:9b-10)
As I walk through my wilderness of rejection, many times Satan has tempted me to believe that God has abandoned me too- moments in which the pain is so intense that I feel forsaken. Yet, in my darkest of hours I know that God is indeed with me. I feel His strength when I continually faced rejection of jobs. I feel His comfort when it seems no one else quite knows how to heal my hurt.
I think that if Joseph were to sit down with you and me for a cup of coffee and chat about our heartbreaks, career upsets, and the ups and downs of life, Joseph would look at us and simply say "Girls, what looks like rejection is God's protection." Do you see it? His Brothers intended harm,evil, and rejection, but God used it for good.

Joseph is an example of another way in which God reveals the mystery of His ways. Joseph spent most of his life not knowing why God had allowed his brothers to sell him into slavery, why he had allowed him to be brought to a foreign land, why he had allowed him to be falsely accused and thrown into prison. From behind bars, it must have seemed so unjust. But from the summit of understanding that God later granted him, it all made perfect sense. It was there he learned the seemingy meandering ways of God weren't simply leading to the shaping of his character but also to the saving of his family ( a lineage that lead to Christ), preserving them through the seven years of famine and prospering them for generations to come.

So repeat after me: What seems like rejection is really God's protection.

Man vs. Wild Survival Instinct number 1: When lost in the wild, (wilderness), find the highest point of elevation near you and climb to the top of it. Why? To gain perspective on your location.

Perspective is extremely important in wilderness survival. Perspective proves crucial whether lost in the Sierra Nevada or in a wilderness of rejection. As a daughter of the most High and follower of Jesus Christ, whenever we face a circumstance that seems like rejection, we need to take a hike up a little mountain (actually its quite massive, a Summit that I call God's Soverignty)and look at the situation from the vantage point.

To say that God is soverign means He rules and reigns over His creation- to know He is actively working and involved in your life and causing the circumsances to work for a purpose. Translation: God isn't sitting up in heaven saying "Oops, I really dropped the ball on that one." So when the sting of rejection hits, we can say, "This circumstance was filtered through the soverign hands of my God." We have this promise from God's word. "God causes all things to work together for the good of those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose." (Romans 8:28)

When Rejection hit my heart like a bomb, I couldn't fathom the incredible purpose God had in allowing it to happen. My vision- being small, limited, and shortsighted-only saw my heart bleeding. But, God see's my destiny. He saw His purpose for my life unfolding and how a broken heart would propel me to begin a ministry to reach women for Jesus Christ. He knows that His plan is better than my plan. I could never see it from my vintage point of pain. But looking on the summit of understanding and mountain top of God's soverignty today.. I CAN SEE!