I hate Valentines day.. I'm not really sure if I think its just one of those really horrible hallmark holidays only created to boost the economy. Or if it's because I think red and pink totally clash, or maybe its that I've only had a Valentine three of my twent-three years of living. But regardless if its because I'm single or in a relationship- I hate it. For most reasons, I think I should be loved and shown affection on a daily basis rather than February 14th like the rest of the world. However, I am realizing that there are simply no men (single) that are out there to worship the ground I walk on. Needless to say, this Valentines day I am celebrating my singles awareness.
After just turning 23 on the 8th, I'm starting to realize that it is time to start thinking about marriage.. No, I'm not one of those girls who has always dreamed of getting married. I spent my childhood peeing in the live wells of my dad's bass boat, rather dressing up Barbie in a white gown with Ken and walking them down the isle of the imagination of "Happily Ever After." I did, however, dream (to this day) of being a mother. I really believe I was created to be a mother... So in order to be a mother, I guess somewhere I have to meet a good guy to marry and be the father of my children... However, the closer to thirty I get -seven years I might add- I am starting to realize the myth-- something like polar bear attacks or lightening striking being more likely than marriage? What a cruel myth! (Please, tell me this is a myth, right?)
To desire is to long for something. To hope, dream, or yearn. A wilderness of unmet desire is waiting for that hope to become reality. It is this postponement of a longing of your soul. The feeling that your life is standing still while others appear to be moving at high speed. A woman in this wilderness may ask herself, "Did God push 'pause' on my life and forget to inform me?"
I've been asking myself a hard question lately. "What are you waiting for?"Mr. Right? You, however, may be the woman who is waiting for God to change your Mr. Right. My unmet desire is simply to feel loved. Maybe you are like one of my best friends who is longing for children. Or, you may be the mother who is waiting for God to change the child you already have?
An unmet desire can be financial, relational, or physical. What is the unmet desire of your heart? What is the secret longing that keeps you asking God the question, When?
My desire is children, but with no prospect of a husband on the horizon, for that desire, I must wait. Meanwhile most of my friends are now married and raising kids, and it seems God remembered them but for some reason He's forgot me. When having a family is the biggest desire of your heart, then it does seem like you are "waiting for life to begin" if that dream is not yet reality.
So.. What's a girl to do? When in the wilderness of unmet desire, what is the right way to wait so that we don't fall into the dangers of envy, manipulation, and worry? If there is any person in the scripture who knows a thing or two about waiting, it is King David. As a teenager, David received a promise that he would be the next king over Israel. But it would be nearly two decades before that promise was fulfilled. Did God lie? Did God forget? No! God had a definite purpose in the wait. Throughout the Psalms (most of which were written by David), he teaches of some incredible truths about waiting in the wilderness of unmet desire.
When David was a young man, God sent the prophet Samuel to his father's house to choose David out of all of his brother to be the future king of Israel. God described him as "a man after his own heart" (1 Sam. 13:14). What a bright future laying ahead of this young man! He was the chosen one. David loved the Lord, and he deeply desired to fulfill his calling to be king. Yet, it was twenty years before David's desire and God's promise was fulfilled. Like you and I, David entered a wilderness- a wilderness of unmet desire. In this wilderness, he, too, faced the same dangers of envy, manipulation, and worry.
Yet through David's experience we learn a powerful lesson about waiting. Come with me into the wilderness region of Israel where David is hiding out... literally. It is in these wilds we see David face the giants of envy, manipulation, and worry, which he is no longer able to slay with a mere pebble and slingshot.
David was a wanted man with a high price on his head. So, how did David find himself in this situation? I'm sure if you were to have asked him, he would have said, "well, certainly not hiding in a cave, hunted like an animal while I wait for God to remove Saul, the current king of Israel, that's for sure. This wilderness thing was sure not MY plan." Looking at David's story we learn our first lesson for the wilderness of waiting. Here's how it's told in scripture: "David left Gath and took refuge in the cave of Adullam. When David's brothers and his father's whole family heard, they went down and joined him there. In addition, every man who was desperate, in debt, or discontented rallied around him, and he became their leader. About 400 men were with him" (1 Sam 22:1-2). So we see that King Saul pursued David throughout Israel. David fled into the wilderness because Saul, in a jealous rage, decided to kill him. David hid and waited in a cave in the wilderness. Meanwhile hundreds joined him there... and they, too, waited on God to change the situation in the land. The first lesson we learn from David is this: we are not alone. Those people with him in that cave were waiting just like he was.
As girls we are so guilty of comparison - of looking at other people's lives and thinking that they have it "perfect" or "easy." When we choose to compare, our thoughts lead us to host our very own pity party. Like David, we are not alone. The question is not if we are waiting but how we are waiting. Most people have unmet desires. When we forget this truth, we tend to feel sorry for ourselves and send out our invites to our pity party. And do we ever help in planning the party? Satan loves to throw this shindig... it is his specialty. He knows that if he can get us to wallow in self-pity, then he can do great damage to our faith. He begins with his subtle accusations and then increases his attack by glamorizing the lives of everyone else.
Everyone else has it easy.
Your friend doesn't have to wait.
You are the only one living with unmet desire.
Poor you.
Please recognize his motive: not only does Satan seek to undermine a woman's faith and trust in God, but he also desires to plant sees of jealousy within a woman's heart that will grow into hate and bitterness toward God and others.
I kept my left hand in my lap all night. Not out of polite social etiquette that says keeping one's left hand daintily on your napkin while dining is proper. No, my left hand remained in my lap simply because I didn't want to feel..... how should I say... left out. You see, mine was the only left hand at this dinner party for fourteen women that was missing a wedding ring. I really felt sorry for my left hand. I didn't realize it was the odd one at first but after hearing the conversation to my left that was about breast pumps and the conversation to my right that was about which neighborhood afforded the better school district, it dawned on me: I am now the single woman in a married woman's world. When did this happen?
Freeze. This is the makings of a pity party. Ingredients one single woman reeling from a breakup and thirteen married women, and you've got yourself one fine fiesta! Thankfully this birthday party didn't end up in a pity party. Instead, this night provided me with one powerful truth: I am not alone in the wait.As I tuned out the whispers of the enemy and stopped thinking about myself for half a second, I listened to the women around me, and I realized something: each woman had an unmet desire in her heart, I was not alone.
One woman mentioned feeling alone at home with her kids and longed for genuine friendship again. Another was waiting to lose the "baby fat" she had put on and was beginning to lose hope that it would ever change. Others were married but still waiting for God to provide them with children. On girlfriend desired to be reconciled with a family member. Truth is, everyone has "their thing." Not that I desire others to be miserable, that isn't what I'm saying, but having company during the waiting takes the edge off of the awkward feeling of "It's just me out here in these crazy woods."
It's so easy to get wound up in the "what ifs" of the future. When we let ourselves go there and dwell in worry, life becomes miserable. I truly believe the lesson of Psalm 37 is this: chill out. When we start believing God does care about our hearts and He still knows how to run the universe, then we can stop our fretting and rest. I know I, too, will have a "Happily Ever After" because my heavenly Father sits on His chair- which just happens to be His throne in heaven.
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