Sunday, January 16, 2011

Happy Hour



The Clock hits 5 o'clock pm and offices everywhere empty out as men and women hurry off to their favorite watering hole to release the stress and forget the cares of the day.
Its 5 o'clock somewhere and when the clock strikes five, its Happy Hour. A time to throw back a few rounds of beer. Happy hour could be a buy one get one free shoe sale at your favorite shoe store, or it could be countless hours of keeping up with the junk food reality tv as you multi task facebook on the couch. For some, it may be a drive thru or hours excercising at the local gym or a few ours spent sleeping. It's all the same, Happy hour is about escaping.. indulging... its about feeling... Happy?
I just recently recognized my own happy hour, I found myself circling the parking lot of Belk looking and praying for a "parking favor" as I was also fussing to myself about the intelligent double space parkers. It was purely instinctive really, I'd hop into my car and without thinking drive to the local great beacon of capitalism- the shopping mall.
"Why am I here?" I'd asked myself... Well, it'd been one of those weeks. You know the kind I'm talking about, when the usual places you go to for love are closed for business. My career wasn't giving me the emotional love I wanted, my relationship was simply exhausting (yep, not feeling the love there either). I was overworked, sleep deprived and my physical appearance wasn't exactly turning heads either. But, Shoes... Shoes, always fit.
Did I need anything? One look at my closet and another at my check book would tell me... no. You see, I was emotionally spent. Frustration with my dating life making me sad and angry, and to make matters worse I'd messed up on something at work. So I would run to the mall, particularly the shoe department at Belk and fill the ache in my heart. So on my happy hour I would simply take a visit to see Manolo Blahnik, Jimmy Choo, Jessica Simpson, and Carlos Santana.
I'd done enough emotional spending to know that another pair of designer jeans or shoes wasn't the answer. In reality, I was making things worse. Eventually the credit card bill arrives, and my outfits magical ability to make me feel good about myself is gone in the first wash.
Just like a hangover of a night of too much drinking, any version of happy hour can have you feeling tired and dehydrated. I know my soul isn't going to be filled with a new outfit or a great pair of new six inch heels. These things are only temporary and the issues will resurface if I don't run to Jesus Christ.

I have a box of old photographs from my happy hour days. Pictures of me double fisting, shot gunning with others who also were using substance to numb their aches. A time where going to bars was a given and my life revolved around getting a good buzz. I see past my physical appearance in those pictures, I see a girl with a big fake smile.
If you could have seen me then you would've see a girl who was always desperately trying to be the life of the party. Always trying to be fun, cute, and so entertaining. I thought if I could convince everyone else I was having a good time- maybe I would believe it myself. The more I tried to squeeze life out of a bottle, the more I lost myself.
The main problem with Happy Hour is that its never enough. Narcotics and other drugs are dangerous in their own way but the motives behind using them is to numb and escape the pain and emptiness of life. But, the more you use, the more they have to use because the core problem is still there.

Hope is what most of us need isn't it? Because, God loves us so much, He planned an intervention. He hates to see the destruction in our lives, so Jesus came to free us from all the places we go looking for love apart from Him. Jesus came to give us real life, real joy, real hope, and real satisfaction. In explaining oiur need for an intervention, Jesus said, The theif comes to kill, steal, and destroy; I have come that you may have life, & Have it to the full. (John 10:10 NIV).
When Jesus says He came that we may have life, what he describes is much more than just mere existence. He offers vitality, richness, and fullness. This type of life is a far cry from the type that is dependent on food, fashion, or substance to sustain its happiness. Yes, a person can exist, turning to things for happiness, and still never really feel alive. Our happy hour, or should I say comfort zones are really just distractions of Satan to keep us from turning to God.
I realize that each woman must come to her own conclusion about initiating the changes she needs in her life. Trust me, I fully recognize that we as women can realize we are miserable in our present conditions yet not be ready to take a step of faith. I've been in that spot countless times. When "Happy Hour" is all you know, it's hard to imagine real life can be found elsewhere. As a woman, you must decide for yourself if you are at a place where you want a change. Can you actually take a new day and embrace a whole new comfort?
For me it took my entire life falling apart. Getting dumped by a wonderful guy, loosing nearly all of my friends, getting layed off from work from a job that I loved greatly. That's when I realized I was a "branch" disconnected and withering because I wasn't connected and recieving life from the vine, Jesus Christ.
I cannot sugar coat this giving up my happy hour spots was and still is one of the hardest things I've done. But, I realize looking for love in a happy hour was wrecking my life. I made a decision to stop relying on alcohol for confidence, hook-ups for love, and peoples oppinion for self worth. Instead, I chose to take Jesus and give dependency on Him. The lure of the old lifestyle can be strong no matter how empty it is.

Today I have more fun living for Christ than I did in any Happy Hour. I say my life today I am happy, no it's not perfect, I still have heartbreaks, letdowns and cramps just like the next girl does.There is a deep current of life that runs through me, that sustains me in the storms so that when life isn't exactly happy, I still have joy.

Monday, March 29, 2010

Crazy Coupons!!



I Saved 72% on my grocery bill for march... Using coupons! & made $40.00 using rebates. I didn't buy anything generic all were name brands. :) I am thinking I have taken on a new hobby, lol. I may just teach coupon classes.

Promoting to Senior Consultant





YAY!! I got a promotion to my Senior Consultant this past week! I am working very hard to obtain my directorship with the Pampered Chef. As most of you know I don't like health care, All my life it was what I wanted to do. I had never thought of myself as a sales person, even though I always won those things in middle school where you do the fundraiser sales. However, I have discovered with being a pampered chef consultant, that I love to sale. I am now thinking of getting a degree in marketing or my MBA. I love pampered chef and being able to work my own schedule with it. The benefits of getting to go on trips, and the money is so easy! If your interested in hosting a show/catalog show, becoming a pampered chef consultant and making anywhere from $150- $1,800.00 or more a month contact me! I'd love to get you started!

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Team of Rivals


Not many post this week, my head is going to be consumned in this book which is about as thick as the bible, for a book discussion and research paper due Thursday. Yuck

Saturday, March 20, 2010

Rainbow Is Back


Rainbow Is back in Alabama.
Living near the Talladega has its advantages, every year or so about 200-1,000 people come to reunite amongst their travels in the national forest. Working in the ER, you get to see a great many things on a daily basis, but when the Rainbow Family comes around, things get a bit more interesting. I am amazed as to the modern day hippies can give up common things like air conditioners, razors, electricity, soap, etc and rough it in the woods.
I had a girl as a burn patient in the ER Friday as they are thumbing their way through Talladega county and riding their peace bus (picture above from our WalMart Parking lot) The girl got dehydrated and fell into an amber fire burning her left arm. I love burn pts so I was all over this! AS I was cleaning the burn, applying ointments and non adherent dressings, giving instructions on burn care I began to ask questions about their lifestyle. The girl came from a Catholic family, the other had no religion. I asked them what they did at their reunions and She said they get together and pray for peace love and harmony. I then asked what/ who do you pray to? She said that they are all open to different beliefs, that she did like the bible but didn't believe in a lot of the "tales" that were written in the bible. The other girl which was her friend says, "Yeah, like how can a man get swallowed by some fish and live, Seriously?" Then the pt says, "Yeah, like I don't believe All Things are possible with God." I was struck with dismay, but I have regretted the opportunity to share how my life seemed like I was swallowed by a fish, spit back out and am alive today because of God's Awesome love. The girls go on to tell of how they have thumb'd their way through many states, how one has kids at 21 and is marrying her fiance (who is 58) July 4th and their next big reunion . The lifestyle has just awed me all weekend. I am praying for these two girls who are a year younger than myself & the life that they are engaged upon..

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Spring Cleaning.


"The United States spends more on trash bags than 90 other countries spend on everything. The receptacles of our waste cost more than all of the goods consumed by nearly half of the world's nations.'"

Feeling the need to downsize. To Simplify. Tomorrows goal is to organize just one corner. For those of you who know me, there are piles of clothes in my room and closet. & I live out of my car. I'm spending 30 minutes tomorrow to clean. Hey, don't hate, its a start. I have too much junk in my trunk. However, I really think it is a national problem. I mean if we are as Americans are spending more on trash bags than 90% of countries spend on everything. Sounds like America has a lot of junk. It reminds me of what Jesus said about the Pharisees. He said outside they were clean but inside they were full of dead men's bones -Matthew 23:27-29.

Over & Over Americans play the same role of life. Divorce rates go up 50% to 67% for the second marriage and catapults to 73% for the 3rd. Instead of learning from our mistakes more people repeat them. If only they'd cleaned house rather than cleaning the outside, then their trunks wouldn't be carrying past experiences into contemporary relationships. For those like myself, we find ourselves trapped in an unhealthy workplace environment that we're afraid to leave. Because of the junk in our trunk, we can't see beyond the short-term needs for a paycheck. And, even if we seek a new position, it does no good to change jobs if we retain old attitudes.

The last closet to clean is the one between our ears. It gathers more debris than any attic, more soot than any chimney. The worse part is no one but you knows whats there. Cleaning out my old memories of unforgivness has been more difficult than I have ever thought. I say I don't hold grudges, but in all reality It is very hard for me to forgive someone. I have always thought that unforgivness would punish someone that has hurt me or done me wrong. But, It doesn't. What it has done is keep my heart filled with anger,hostility, and bitterness. Forgiveness isn't for the benefit of the person who hurt me. Forgiveness is a gift that I need to give myself. Through trying to forgive others, I hope to unhook myself from the past and free my soul to escape the dismal and experience the delightful again.

Believe me, dealing with Junk isn't as easy as it sounds. When looking at research done by td jakes on Junk... he quotes Ancient Eastern philosophies like feng shui that proposes that physical things have energy. They can represent the old relationships, which could mean old hurts and disappointments. For example, holding on an old photo to someone who lied to you or a piece of jewelry from some old guy that did you wrong, each time you look at the physical item, whether you are conscious or not you are reminded of sadness & pain. So in this moving process, my goal is to burn some old pictures, pawn some jewelry and sell some things. Because that is exactly what I do. Ive always been the keep sake person, the hold on to it because it has a special meaning. Nah... Not when I need to break through, I love myself more than a few old pictures.

I haven't personally cleaned my room in three years. Seriously, there are clothes, dust, trash, paper piles, shoes, baskets filled with paper, or clothes,& I can't remember the last time I vacuumed... & when I think about it I haven't cleaned since people started really hurting me. Why? Psychologically maybe it has to do with holding onto something, Maybe it doesn't. Bottom Line, If you don’t like the story line I'm currently rocking… then I have the power to CHANGE IT! It is all on me to change my mind about whatever does not work for me.We always have a choice as to how we will view a situation and I am suggesting viewing your life in a way that empowers you and taking responsibility for your own happiness…because you are the only one who can.Remember fear is just a FEELING, not a FACT.

The bad part about this is, that its not going to happen over night. Breaking these cycles require making decisions. It doesn't matter how many mistakes I have made, how traumatic the circumstances from which I have come, or how distant I feel from the childhood dreams that once motivated me. If I want to change. I can. But, I have to want to move on with my life.As the saying goes, Before you can catalyze you must cauterize.

Going Rogue

As I walk into the medicine, stale vomit aroma of the place I call work I am greeted by the melody of "twinkle twinkle little star" as the entire hospital celebrates the birth of the new baby that a woman has just delivered. Oh to be a female, the joys and the drags. 

I need a breathe of fresh air, my world has become so stagnated with working all the time, that I have realized that I bring myself no happiness. I do nothing for me. I simply rely on my boyfriend for entertainment and a laugh. No, I am not on a depression, I'm just on a mind boggling need to break through and enjoy my life.. 

There are times I wonder if this is just life. That all there really is to life is working and bills. I ask myself daily why it is so hard to better yourself? Why is every struggle at this point seem like a mountain? I am
sick of this rut. I need an escape. I do way to much for my age. I need a break, a breathe of air, I am smothering in my own work tactics.

Goals:
enjoy my life this week
find a better job in the day time
finish this class
find a healthy budget
SIMPLIFY. Simplify. simplify...
Do something that makes you happy.